


May Ev'ry Day Be Christmas

by Miss_Von_Cheese, nausicaa82



Series: Pippa and Steve [7]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Abuse of Authority, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Attempted Sexual Assault, Christmas, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fist Fights, Kidnapping, Missions, New Year's Eve, New Years, Rescue Missions, Secrets, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Workplace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-07
Updated: 2013-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-03 22:46:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 23,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1073934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Von_Cheese/pseuds/Miss_Von_Cheese, https://archiveofourown.org/users/nausicaa82/pseuds/nausicaa82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Pippa spend the holidays traveling and visiting their friends, but the new year brings some unexpected obstacles in their plans to be married.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the seventh part in our series, and as such makes lots of references to the previous installments of [Pippa and Steve's story.](http://archiveofourown.org/series/47198)

It had barely been a week that the two of them had returned to work when Director Fury walked in on their lunch in Pippa’s office and gave them a new secret assignment. T’Challa, the ruler of Wakanda and sometimes Avenger, had been acting uncharacteristically strange in public, and the country seemed on the brink of civil war— a liability to the store of Vibranium there. S.H.I.E.L.D. could not have that fall into the wrong hands, so they were to take a QuinJet that evening as diplomats and gather intelligence. 

"This is beyond secret, a completely off the books mission. No one but yourselves will know where you are going. No pilot, no backup, but I know the two of you most likely wouldn’t want it anyway." Fury gave one of his death stares with his good eye, and Steve tried to be as stoic as Pippa was looking.

"Yes, sir. I understand." Steve nodded. 

If Pippa hadn’t been concerned about T’Challa’s behavior she would have cracked a grin, happy to finally go on something exciting. This sounded like a difficult, hazardous mission in the middle of nowhere, and she usually loved that. But to prevent a civil war? That would be a first for her and it would distract her from the boring paperwork she had been doing since the end of her recovery.

She and Steve got prepared, they took the backpacks in their closets, always ready for unexpected missions. They put on casual clothes to make sure they wouldn’t look too official for the tribes of Wakanda, they didn’t want to look like spies and their assignment wasn’t to impose anything on behalf of the US government. And after taking care of the files they were currently working on and canceling their different appointments for the week, they headed towards the launching bay.

As she settled in the cockpit, Pippa remembered the first time she had met Steve in one of those. _‘I watched you while you were sleeping.’_ Not her best diplomatic move, yet it had led her farther than she would ever have imagined. Pippa didn’t even notice she once again imposed herself as the pilot, just like she did every time it was the two of them in a Quinjet, but even if she didn’t realize it she wasn’t ready to see Steve fly. He had told her about the crash one day, with his head on her thighs and tears in his voice, and Pippa unconsciously avoided these situations as much as she could.

"You ready, Darling?" she inquired, hands on the yoke.

Steve compulsively double checked all the of gauges and equipment on the board as he sat in the co-pilot’s chair. While he had taken lessons on piloting, he had never had the opportunity to do it since waking up, and in all truth it still made him a bit nervous. Clint had joked that he was always assigned a pilot for missions because S.H.I.E.L.D. was convinced Steve _liked_ crashing planes, but with Pippa there doing most of the work, he was sure everything would be fine. It was going to be a quick seven hour flight, and once they were at cruising altitude, he couldn’t resist glancing over at her. 

"You know, I really thought Fury was going to ease you back in slower than this. I know it isn’t like when we went to South America, but going to smooth over international affairs is hardly the same as paper work and testing new agents." He stretched from his seat and kissed her on the cheek. 

"Are you kidding? I’ve been in the office for a whole week, spiders will build webs under my arms if I don’t move a bit!" she joked. She took out a map of Wakanda as well as a conversation guide and let Steve read the basics of their language out loud just in case they would need it, even if the members of the government, officials and family all spoke perfect English.

A few hours later when they flew over the Lake Victoria, Pippa headed South East and started to go down. They passed Homa Bay and the Ruma National Park, followed the Migori Kehancha Road for forty-six miles and flew South to hide the Quinjet at the border of the Maasai Mara reserve, already in Wakanda territory.

"T’Challa’s palace should not be far from here," Pippa announced as she secured the straps of her bag around her stomach. She removed her ring and placed it on the little chain around her neck, then hid it under her t-shirt, between her convenient breasts, just as she had before every mission since receiving it.

They made their way through the thick vegetation and they were almost to the town when Steve heard a twig snap and he signaled for Pippa to freeze. Suddenly, a group of ten men surrounded them with weapons drawn, all wearing a patch signifying they were of T’Challa’s tribe; Steve raised his arms above his head and in a calm voice announced: "I am Captain Steve Rogers, a friend of Black Panther. We have come in peace and to offer our assistance if it is needed." One of the men stepped forward, and offered his hand. 

"It is good you have come, Captain. T’Challa needs as many friends as he can around him now." The party then lead the two operatives straight to the palatial mansion, Steve worried by what the comment could mean. 

On the road they didn’t talk much but the warriors seemed nervous, always looking around as if they were afraid to be attacked. In front of the large doors, on the paved road, was an altar with two torches and a small statue of a black panther dominating a white gorilla, symbols of the local cult defeating their rivals.

As they walked into the mansion the word was spread among the guards that T’Challa’s friends from overseas had come to see him and if some men were relieved, some others seemed even more worried.

"Wakanda has been invaded so many times, they’re not fond of strangers," Pippa said softly to Steve. T’Challa was perched on a seat, holding his forehead in his hand. He seemed relatively lucid for the moment but when he saw them, he rubbed his hand on his face, uncertain of what he should believe.

"Oh… I think I have to believe my men when they say I have hallucinations. Now I see my American friend Steve and the woman he always looks at like she’s a goddess… Takka, do you see them too?"

Although he was slightly chagrined that T’Challa, when living in New York, had picked up on Steve’s then-crush, the moment didn’t last too long. Steve’s heart broke when T’Challa’s washed with relief when he saw his advisers acknowledge his and Pippa’s presence.

After the normal greetings and strained pleasantries, T’Challa invited them to dine with him at an informal meal. There he explained with sad eyes the troubles he had been facing— terrible headaches, hallucinations complete with sound, and overwhelming fatigue. The ruler could barely make it through the meal before seemingly having a heated debate with someone or something beside him no one else could see. 

His men excused him, taking him away and leading Pippa and Steve to their separate bedrooms. Disturbed by what he had seen that day, Steve couldn’t relax, and after a half hour of thinking over things, went to knock on Pippa’s door down the hall from his own. 

"Are you still awake, Sweetheart?" he whispered to the door.

"Sure! Come in!" Pippa had installed a satellite connection to get secure internet access and her bed was covered with tablets and phones. Agent Coulson never rested, not when there was work to do, S.H.I.E.L.D. wasn’t going to stop when she was away. "Have to take care of some reports, I just debriefed the new team," she explained then paused and looked up with a sigh.

Steve chuckled to himself seeing all of her work spread across her room already. How could he even have thought she might be asleep when there was work to do? While being good about not pushing herself too much physically since returning to work, she drove headfirst back into the planning, the reports, the organizing, the calls. He couldn’t fault a fish for swimming, a bird for flying, or Pippa for ‘handling;’ it was almost as if this is what she was born to do.

"It looks pretty bad, uh? I guess he wasn’t like this when you spent time with him in New York. I don’t really know what to think about it. He could be sick, he could have been poisoned, or who knows? He looks young, it can’t be senility. Perhaps a side effect of something we don’t even think about, we know nothing about the heart shaped herbs here, about the meteorite. People who live in Wakanda have been in contact with so many strange elements they’re not biologically like us anymore. Well, like me at least, perhaps a bit like you," she added stretching her arms.

"He wasn’t like this at all. It doesn’t make any sense." Steve saw one tablet that had some medical research on brain abnormalities. "His healing powers should be able to combat any kind of illness," he said quietly, thinking of his own situation. "When T’Challa hugged me, he whispered a plea to help him, but I don’t know anything about biology like Bruce or Tony do. I’m good at drawing and punching. I don’t think either is going to help here." He went to the window and saw the armed guards making their rounds outside the house, keeping the threats from the wild forest away. 

Pippa got up and wrapped her arms around his waist, tucking her chin on his shoulder. “Our best asset right now would be Bruce but it would be really dangerous to bring him here, if anyone recognized him as The Hulk it would be seen as a declaration of war and threaten their fragile peace. We’ll wait for a few days and ask his opinion, perhaps he will think about something we don’t know. Come over here to rest, I don’t think there’s any kind of regulation against us sharing a room," she added, planting a soft kiss behind his ear. "They probably won’t even notice."


	2. Chapter 2

In the morning when they joined T’Challa to share breakfast, it was obvious that the whole house knew they didn’t use separate rooms but no one seemed to care. Their king had had a really bad night, he looked exhausted despite his attempts to stay focused. As they shared the best fruits Pippa had ever tasted, she kept looking around, discreetly checking the guards, wondering if someone could be slowly poisoning T’Challa. 

By the end of their meal during which they both had to pretend not to see when the young king was delusional, an elegant young woman entered the room, preceded by a petulant four year old boy. The kid immediately ran to Steve and Pippa, as T’Challa introduced Ishanta his cousin and her son. The boy poked them before hiding behind a chair. He then looked at them again, slowly getting out of his hideout, and asked, "Is it true that you both were dead and you lived again?"

Pippa laughed and nodded with a mysterious smile much to the child's delight. When Ishanta offered to give her a proper tour of the house Pippa accepted immediately, certain she could learn a thing or two without having to rummage through their stuff. When the women left, T’Challa offered segments of fruit to an animal no one else could see. When the imaginary animal did not eat from his hand, he became upset and threw the food across the room.

"She’s as bad as the gorilla last night!" T’Challa complained. 

"What gorilla, T’Challa?" Steve asked.

"Last night a white gorilla came into my room and took me from my bed to the roof. There, he held a gun to my head and told me I must give him what I have. I offered the meat and bread in my pockets, but he said it was not enough." Steve looked to the advisers who were slightly shaking their heads.

"The gorilla was talking to you?"

"Yes, he was demanding what I had, and I was pleading with him, but he was adamant. I fear his return, that he would harm those of my house, my guests." 

Steve shook his head and softly patted his friend’s hand. "It’s ok; that wasn’t real. Your house is not in danger."

"Yes, Steve; it has been threatened."

"T’Challa, gorillas don’t talk."

"I KNOW THAT!" the man snapped in sudden anger, but just as quickly it faded into confusion. They were silent for a few minutes, before the king motioned to rise, his men assisting him. "I am going to rest now, Steve. I am glad you are here. I can trust you to guard all that I hold dear."

Pippa was happy to learn that the house of the Black Panther had a large library and many archives. On the wall of the richly decorated room was painted a timeline of Wakanda’s history and Ishanta told Pippa everything there had to know about it.

"… And you were invaded by the Chitauri too?"

"Several times through centuries," Ishanta shrugged. "Everybody wants our vibranium. But I assume you know about that, doesn’t S.H.I.E.L.D. have information about us?"

"They do," Pippa admitted with a warm smile. "But I prefer to trust more reliable sources. Would you mind my exploring your library?"

"If you think it can help… it looks like a disease but I’m starting to think the elders might be right. He is cursed. He sometimes looks possessed by a demon and his doctor cannot find anything wrong with him."

Pippa spent the rest of the day studying Wakanda’s history books but found herself even more confused, the list of their enemies was ridiculously long and it seemed like people were ready to commit all kinds of atrocities to get vibranium from such peaceful people. She would never look at Steve’s shield the same way.

The days continued on, Pippa researching what she could in the library, Steve attending meetings T’Challa would take with other tribal leaders as one of his entourage. They had talked to just about everyone in the mansion- family guards, doctors, and servants of T’Challa. Each had a different explanation of what was happening and why. 

Steve was concerned that the real cause was the altered super serum S.H.I.E.L.D. had given T’Challa, that one day his own mind would slowly unravel like a sweater snagged on an errant nail. And he couldn’t decide if it would be worse to happen with Pippa there to try to care for him, or long after she had already passed. But he tried his best not to dwell on such thoughts. 

Late one night, as the two of them poured over debriefs on the different rebel factions emerging along the borders, Steve’s fancy Stark phone buzzed with a text from Clint. 

[ _Got back from my mission, you wanna go for a movie and then Chinese? It’ll be the only thing open today._ ]

Steve was confused for a second before he saw the date stamp on his phone. 

"Oh, Pippa," he sighed, "today was Christmas; well, as it’s 1:30 now, technically yesterday was Christmas.”

Focused on her tablet, Pippa only stopped munching on her piece of dried mango and replied without really caring a soft “Hm hm, sure…”. It was only two seconds later that she understood what he had just said and looked up from her file.

"Oh? Christmas? Already…?" She looked down with a sad pout then took his hand to kiss his palm. "I’m sorry Baby, we should have been home… it was our first Christmas together. I totally forgot about it." The memories of all these missed days, birthdays, anniversaries, celebrations, holidays she had to apologize for during the last twenty years came back to her mind and it reminded her one of the reasons why she had never kept a relationship before.

Steve pulled her to her feet, holding her close. “I was with you, so I was home.” He nuzzled her neck. “When I was young my mother and I would have Pretend Christmas after coming back from Mass. I would draw a tree and she would make her extra special soup, and then we would exchange our small gifts. But what was great about that day was spending the time together. This Christmas, researching, trying to figure this out with you? It has been one of my favorites because I am with you.” 

He gasped and pointed above them. “Look! Imaginary mistletoe!! ” then held her head as he kissed her. Pippa held him tighter and let out a soft sigh of relief. Even if she had been with Steve for the last ten days it was the first time she could take a break and feel home for a while. She kissed the tip of his nose.

"I love you. I’ll always be happy to be with you, anywhere on Earth… or even beyond." She looked into his eyes and let her heart speak. "You’ve always been, kind of, and now you are definitely my family… it’s the best Christmas I had in years. But it will be even better when I give you your presents, when we’re home. Speaking of which, I’m starting to wonder if we shouldn’t bring T’Challa with us to get another opinion. The situation is getting more and more hazardous here…" 

"We could at least offer. It’s like he is himself but not, as if someone else was trying to be him and have him do things for their own purposes…" Steve looked down at the message from Clint and the idea popped into his mind. "What if T’Challa was being possessed?" Pippa gave him an exasperated look. "Well, not like a demon, but like mind control, like how Selvig and Clint were at the Battle of New York? Didn’t you say that Wakanda has been a target for intergalactic enemies before?"

"I don’t know," Pippa sighed as Steve gently massaged her neck. "If it’s a possession of some sort then why doesn’t he do worse? He’s confused, delusional and lost but he hasn’t done anything terrible for the moment. Clint didn’t wait to shoot us when he was under influence. Why didn’t T’Challa gave his attackers what they want, whatever it is?"

She walked to the balcony and looked at the serious guards in the garden. “The more I see him though, the more I think it’s not an accident… we should talk to him tomorrow, if a conflict started he would risk to be on his enemies’ side instead of keeping his people safe.” 

She shivered when Steve, behind her, wrapped his arms around waist, tried to relax a bit. “It’s so warm in there, it’s difficult to realize it’s Christmas already…” Turning her head, she kissed Steve’s jaw with a soft sigh. He saw down her shirt where her ring was still on its chain and sighed himself.

"You’re right, we need more help to figure this out. We’ll talk to T’Challa tomorrow, try to convince him to come back with us. I feel like I’m just running around in circles. Come on, let’s try to get some good sleep tonight."

It took a bit more than three days to slowly, peacefully convince T’Challa to let his council be in charge and it wouldn’t have happened without an unfortunate event during which the Black Panther scared his cousin’s child and realized how far he was gone when he heard the boy’s cries. There was a long meeting to decide who would be in charge and set a hierarchy in the council, then T’Challa gave his instructions but an intense migraine had him almost vomit on his throne, cutting the meeting short.

When the QuinJet took off, the young monarch looked back at his country through the window with teary eyes, as if Pippa and Steve were taking him away forever. Far from his people and family he looked even more scared by his situation and almost certain he would never see his land again, or perhaps not as he knew it.

"We have some of the best people in the world who can help," Steve tried to reassure his friend. 

"I cannot trust S.H.I.E.L.D. entirely, Steve."

"I know, but luckily the men I’m thinking of feel the same way."


	3. Chapter 3

Pippa landed the jet gracefully on the Helicarrier, and as the two of them handed off all the intel they had gathered to Bruce and Tony in one of the secured recovery rooms, T’Challa looked unsure once again. 

"It’s ok, I’ve trusted them with my life more than once. They are among the smartest men I know," Steve consoled. 

“ _Among?!_ Who is smarter than I??” Tony whined as he snatched the files from Pippa’s hands so that she couldn’t hand it to him. 

"Well, Pym could give you a run for your money."

"HIM?"

"Well, here’s your chance to prove me wrong,” Steve challenged assured T’Challa they would be back shortly. The next hour for the couple was spent arguing with the director and Pippa had the hardest time convincing him that one, such an unofficial mission didn’t have to be debriefed or reported, and two the time was not appropriate to ask T’Challa about a possible vibranium sale.

Pippa was having her first coffee in days-- the real bitter American kind, not that sweet delicious beverage from Wakanda-- when she opened her locker to get changed. There she found two small boxes, one with a pretty wrapping, from Natasha, and the other, slightly bigger and wrapped like a hot-dog, from Clint. Pippa smiled and decided to open them after she changed but as soon as she traded her combat boots for her so comfortable heels, she got a call from Steve asking her to join him at the infirmary.

Steve was smiling and sitting with T’Challa, the Science Bros chattering between themselves.

"Agent! We did it again, you doubted us but we proved victorious and within two hours!" Bruce rolled his eyes at Tony's grandstanding. Pippa gave him an annoyed look and leaned against the closest table, arms crossed to make him understand she wanted them to speak clearly. She noticed T’Challa looked much better though worried by something.

"There were a few things that had us concerned," Bruce started as he directly typed on a holographic screen. "What could we do to help someone who comes from one of the most technologically and medically advanced countries on Earth? They have cured several types of cancer; how can we do better than that?" Tony got up and started to explain, eating dried blueberries.

"But we have to go back a bit into Wakanda’s history to understand better. Centuries ago, a giant meteor made of vibranium crashed on Earth, in a place we know now as the Vibranium Mound. We do not know yet all of the effects the metal has on its environment but it has been proved to cause mutations on many people, the most famous being Storm…" Tony paused, thinking out loud. "Pretty woman but not easy to deal with.” T’Challa grimaced at Tony’s candor and the scientist quickly moved on. 

“Anyway, I am not saying that all the people of Wakanda are mutant geniuses but… the majority of them are, yes. Which implies that T’Challa couldn’t be sick, seeing his constitution and the great scientists who work with him."

Bruce pushed the screen in front of Pippa. “Yet when we ran several tests on him to know what kind of trouble we were dealing with, we found an abnormal level of antibodies. Seeing their development rate they must have been in his system for the last two months. See here? Our friend was slowly being poisoned and…”

"Wait a minute," Pippa cut him. "How come nobody had detected these symptoms before? Are you sure they’re not recent, maybe moving him to the here has triggered something? You just said they had the best medicine."

T’Challa who had remained silent until then just shook his head with a sigh. “Who would have thought the last member of an ancient family of royal doctors could have joined the ranks of the White Gorilla? I called my men to try talking to him, ask him questions, but they told me he had disappeared, his office was cleared. The one I trusted to keep me alive was the one killing me slowly.”

“Yeah, been there, done that,” Tony said.

"I’m just grateful that we found it, that it’s reversible, and we didn’t lose you, T’Challa," Steve sighed softly.

"Yes, Captain. I am glad you and Miss Coulson arrived when you did. We will strike down the White Gorilla swiftly for their attempt."

"Do you need assistance with that?"

"No, no. You have done so much for me already. I should not keep you from your duties to your own country. Tony here has offered to get me back to Wakanda; I have much to attend to." T’Challa rose to bid his farewell, respectfully kissing Pippa’s hand. 

"Even a fool can see you would be wise to make her your wife, Steve," he whispered in the Captain’s ear as he hugged Steve goodbye. 

"I’m working on it."

Tony started insisting that they grab some authentic New York pizza before leaving as he walked T’Challa and Bruce out of the room. Alone with Pippa, Steve started to feel the weight of the past two weeks lift. He took her in his arms, as the troubling thoughts swirled in his head. 

"It’s just awful, someone so close betraying him like that. I can’t imagine."

"No wonder there are so many loners in this line of work," she replied, resting her head on his chest. "It’s so difficult to find trustworthy friends. I can’t even imagine the political repercussions it could have had."

Pippa took Steve’s hand and planted a kiss between his thumb and index. “I think we have worked enough lately, I’ll go back to paperwork tomorrow but right now we can have an Hawaiian pizza delivered at home for when we arrive. It’s not roasted ham with pineapple but that’ll be close enough. I’m dying to see you open your presents.” He wouldn’t even dare to try to argue, seeing the anticipation in her eyes, and they quickly made their way back to their apartment.


	4. Chapter 4

The wind felt colder after being in Wakanda for so long, and their apartment felt chilly, too, since no one had been in it for over a week. Steve was shivering as he turned the heat back on and put on a thick cardigan. 

"I think this eggnog is probably past the point of being safe, but we have some of these seasonal beers left, they may go well with the pizza when it gets here," he said while going through the fridge. 

"No problem, anything will be great!" she shouted from the bedroom. She came back a few minutes later wearing leggings, big comfy slipper socks, and a large Christmas sweater, slightly bouncing to get warm. "We have to get in the Christmas spirit somehow. We’re already late…"

She took the beers from Steve’s hands and let him carry her to the living room just in time to open to the delivery guy. While Steve paid, Pippa placed several blankets and pillows on the floor next to their little fake tree. There were at least seven boxes gathered, six wrapped nicely and one that was less serious than the others.

When Steve joined her on the blankets, Pippa begged for a hug that soon became a long sexy kiss like they hadn’t had in days. As they started with the pizza, she gave her lover the first box that contained a large and ridiculous Captain America knit hoodie.

"This one it’s… not very important but you didn’t have any, so…" Pippa explained, biting her lower lip, anxious for his reaction. Steve couldn’t help but laugh in delight at the sweater. He held it up to admire the handiwork.

"Did you make this?? It’s great, like the one I wore in the USO show!" He was already taking his cardigan off to put his new sweater on. Pippa laughed at his assumption, snorting on her beer. She shook her head.

"Alas, knitting is not one of my talents… but finding improbable things and ordering them online is!" Posing with his hand on his hips like he would during the show, he flashed his most brilliant smile. She kissed his nose, played with little wings on the hood. "And everyone needs ugly sweaters for Christmas. Even the most handsome!"

He kept smiling as he pushed the largest box towards her. “This goes with the necklace, I know you like vintage things and this reminded me of one I saw in a movie once when I was younger.” 

Pippa couldn’t help analyzing the package as she opened it, the weight, the texture, the noises it made. She didn’t expect such a beautiful jewelry chest though and let out a high pitched squeal.

"Oh! This is gorgeous!" She opened the drawers with careful respect, brushed her fingers on the red velvet. "Wow, I… I can’t imagine how much you paid for it! It’s so beautiful…"

She scooted closer to Steve and kissed him softly. “Thank you sweetheart, I love it! You’ll have to tell me everything, where you got it and how…” After spending five long minutes looking at the chest that smelled like velvet and varnish, marveling at how Steve had spotted her love for vintage items, she gestured towards the other presents with an embarrassed smile.

"The rest of it… well… it’s all a bit related, you can open them all, they’re all… let’s say the same kind of things." Pippa had to admit she had gone a bit crazy with these but having help for paying her bills and Steve at home to cook for her had reduced her expenses this year. So she had been to a good art supplies shop and asked the salesman for "the best you have." She had left the store with a huge box of Prismacolor pencils, oil painting and watercolor from Europe, sanguine, chalks, pastels and accessories, and some Japanese brushes, markers and colored inks.

She had no idea of what she had bought except that it was high quality and that Steve would certainly know what to do with it, instead of always using the same old two pencils and his antique eraser.

"This is too much!" Steve investigated each package with wide eyes, and almost drooled over the colored pencils. "There’s so much I can do now. You’ll have to sit for me more now. Maybe I can do a proper oil portrait of you." 

He kissed her with such excitement, Pippa fell back on the pillows, Steve following after like an excited puppy. They both giggled as he planted kisses all over her face and neck. 

"This," kiss, "has," kiss, "been the best" kiss kiss kiss, "Christmas with my beautiful wife." He kissed her softly on the mouth and then realized his mistake, pulling back he looked rather apologetic. "I am sorry… I just…" He couldn’t explain how much he wanted them to married, why he _needed_ them to be married.

Pippa blinked, surprised, and relaxed with a happy smile. "It’s okay. I’ll have to get used to it, and I rather like the sound of it. It’s just a piece of paper after all, it won’t change a thing, in a way you already are my… husband."

She closed her eyes as he brushed his fingertips on her face, feeling blessed, and admired like a piece of art. “We’re really gonna have to think about it. What kind of food, what kind of clothes… what underwear will I pick to drive you wild that night?” Pippa teased, a hand on his stomach.

"I know we said spring, but," Steve nuzzled her neck, "what about next month? We could go get a license tomorrow, and then it’ll be valid starting the new year. I… I just really don’t want to wait around any longer." T’Challa’s illness had shaken Steve more than he would like to admit. He kissed behind her ear, trying to cover his worry. "My imagination is running wild thinking of our wedding night…."

"That’s a sweet idea… tomorrow? I’m all for it."

Pippa rolled against Steve to snuggle. She couldn’t believe it was getting so close. “I never thought I’d be a Mrs. Coulson. It looks like I found the one who tamed me.”

"Not Mrs. Rogers? I know women don’t take men’s full names anymore, but I thought, or at least hoped, you’d take my last name. Is there something wrong with my name?" Steve asked while kissing her, a slight confusion and hurt in his expression.Having never really thought that she would ever marry, Pippa sat up and looked at Steve with a puzzled pout.

"I… I don’t know, no of course not! There’s nothing wrong with your name Steve, I just… I _am_ Agent Coulson." She rubbed her nose, lost in her thoughts. “It’s not that I don’t want to, I just didn’t think that… what about the people I work with? They all call me Coulson-- the assets, ambassadors, agents, all those who are not from S.H.I.E.L.D. I’ve been Coulson for all my life.” Pippa felt like she was ruining the mood, talking about work at such a romantic moment.

Steve sighed and worried at his lip, she looked more upset and that was certainly not what he wanted; he would tell her about the other thing another time. “I hadn’t thought of it like that-- all the people at work… The name you’ve made for yourself with all your hard work… I almost think I would gain more leverage at S.H.I.E.L.D. if I took your name. ” He ran his fingers through her hair, caressing the back of her neck. 

"I don’t want you to think I don’t love you enough because I do… I love you more than anyone, and anything." She kissed his lips. "I love you, I’ll say it as much as needed, I love you and I want you to be my dearest husband. And I know you don’t like that I’m always so close to my job, but you knew from the beginning I would always be Agent Coulson."

She gave him a sorry look. “I’d be happy to use your name for the little things, I can’t wait to book restaurants or take appointments with my hairdresser as Mrs. Rogers. Everywhere they don’t check I’ll be the happiest Mrs. Rogers in the world.” His disappointment was still visible even if he tried to hide it. “Or… listen, if it’s really important to you I can change. If it means that much and you’d prefer it this way then I’ll take your name. I don’t want you to think I prefer my job over you, it’s just more… convenient,” she lied.

"No," he said softly. "It’s not what I prefer, it’s ok… It’s your name after all, just…just please forget I said anything, please. You’re Agent Coulson, and always will be. I don’t want you to be called something that inconveniences you or that would make you a liar if they were ‘to check’." His voice was slightly more harsh because of his hurt than he intended. He immediately looked chagrined and kissed her on the cheek as an apology. “I’m sorry. I um… better put away the leftovers, I don’t think I could eat anymore, do you want anything from the kitchen?"

"No, no I’m fine." Not ready to leave the discussion as it was, she got up and followed him then jumped in his arms as soon as his hands were free. She could make a compromise, negotiations were her strong point after all.

"Maybe… maybe I could change my name legally and be Mrs. Rogers as a civilian but remain Coulson at work? It’s— it’s like it will be my own code name. Agents have aliases for all kinds of reasons." Pippa softly rubbed her nose against his as the biggest grin broke out across his face. Steve’s eyes gazing adoringly into hers. 

"You know what? The big day is gonna be here soon enough, solider, we’d better enjoy living in sin while we can…" And she muffled his chuckle with a long kiss as he moved them out of the kitchen.


	5. Chapter 5

A few days went by and now that they had a license, there was no going back. Pippa would have to face all the decisions, the dress, the caterer, find a place, organize everything. The more she searched for help on the internet, the more she was lost. Fortunately she had already found a time when Jane, Pepper and Natasha were all free to come with her to find a dress-- the afternoon before the New Year’s Eve party at Stark Tower. As they were shopping, Pippa got a call in from Director Fury.

"I… I don’t know what’s going on, that’s strange," she explained while they left the store. "Fury doesn’t know what it’s about but the High Council wants to see me immediately." She promised she would meet up with them again after the meeting and headed towards Headquarters.

Steve was sitting nervously outside the meeting room where inside Fury was speaking with the High Council. Then again, “speaking” wasn’t quite the right term; the room was sound-proofed, but Steve’s super hearing could pick up Fury’s angry tone. When Pippa approached, he stood up, thinking he must look like a naughty kid waiting to speak to the principal. 

"Do you know what’s going on? I’ve never spoke to the High Council before. Fury said they wanted to talk with me, but only after seeing you, first." He moved her away from the door slightly and spoke in a whisper, "Do you think this has to do with T’Challa? That we didn’t get more Vibranium? The man was dying, it seemed wrong to try to press for that, even after he was cured."

Pippa simply shook her head with a tired look and held Steve’s hand to pull him inside, but stopped touching him as soon as they entered the dark room. The members of the Council could be seen on four large screens and Fury seemed even more furious than he usually was.

"I am responsible for these two and I can tell you they do not threaten the safety of the agency," he protested while Pippa came to stand next to him. "And here’s Captain America himself, will you care to explain to him? This is his business, too."

One of the women on screen cleared her throat, not even looking at Steve. “It seems that you do have trouble following simple orders. Well, Captain Rogers, it has been brought to our attention that Agent Coulson and you are engaged and plan on getting married soon. I understand none of you thought useful to mention this to the Council until now and…”

"Because it didn’t change any of our legal statuses yet, besides you already knew we had the same address," Pippa cut her insolently.

"… and two agents working together who are too intimate are by definition compromised," the women continued without a pause. "Do you agree with that statement, Captain Rogers?"

Steve was silent for a moment in his shock. He had prepared to defend himself regarding his actions with T’Challa, not discuss his private life with Fury and a group he had never met before. He stood straight backed as his hands started to slightly shake with the adrenaline starting to course through his veins. He could tell by the woman’s tone that this was going to be a fight. 

"Yes, I would, with the caveat that "too intimate" is not the correct level, ma’am. Any friendship forms a bond that leaves those involved vulnerable. Agent Coulson and my being together does not affect us in the field anymore than my friendship with Tony Stark."

"Stark is not a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, Rogers," one of the men countered. 

"Romanov and Barton then, hell, _any_ of the Avengers, they are my family, my brothers and sisters in arms,” Steve’s hand was flexing involuntarily, “for those who have been in battle, they’ll know that’s a rather intimate relationship.”

"This is not the same, Rogers, and you know it. Looking over the files, it seems you two have a history of odd occurrences in missions you have had together for the past ten months. This one to Argentina is especially troubling: disregarding direction to await for back up and Rogers subsequently being damaged. Agent Coulson, are you blind to Rogers’ value as a weapon—"

"I AM NOT A WEAPON!" Steve shouted, his face becoming more red. Pippa flinched at the council's words. She had heard it before, several times, but that was mainly before they found him or at least when he was not in the room. Now that she knew him better, not as a hero but a human being, she couldn’t stand these words either. "We are American citizens and have the right to pursue our relation—"

"Not as long as you work for us, Captain Rogers." 

"With all due respect," Pippa replied all but respectfully, "there hasn’t been any complaint filed concerning our behavior for the last eleven months. There were accidents of course but that is not out of the range of normality. Now what I do not understand is this reaction to a simple relationship while you immediately approved of my transition when I made my request."

Pippa didn’t see the way Fury and Steve looked at her as she reverted the roles, holding them accountable and leading the interrogation. The older man on screen coughed softly. “We supported your transition because agents suffering from depression and gender dysphoria are not at their best. This is entirely different…”

"This is exactly the same thing! Do you think an ultimatum about our relationship would make me feel ‘at my best’? Refusing me a legal status I deserve?” Pippa protested vehemently. 

"… and there is no need to yell, there are protocols to follow. You won’t be the first nor the last," the man scolded her like a little girl. "The High Council will not allow coworkers be both romantically involved and assigned to the same divisions. We are not in a movie, we can’t allow rumors, jealousy and complicated love affairs to take place in our agency. You can either be assigned to another division in our center in San Diego or another country of your choice…"

"But…" Pippa gasped, shocked. "I have worked on those projects, I am the Avengers’ handler, what about my teams?"

"… or you can both make the right choice for your country and agree to stop your romantic entanglement if you want to keep working together. You knew when you joined S.H.I.E.L.D. what kind of position this would be, Agent Coulson. So what is your decision?"

Pippa’s vision tunneled and she felt cold sweat on her temples. She had thought a few times that perhaps one day Steve would ask her to choose between her job and him, but she had never imagined it would be S.H.I.E.L.D. who would ask. She couldn’t speak it was so unfair. To have to choose between her relationship or her career, her job or her private life, her agents or Steve was just too much. She barely realized she opened her jacket, took her badge out of her pocket, and threw it on the table.

“Agent Coulson?” one of the Council members asked. 

"Sorry, there’s not an ‘Agent’ Coulson in this room," she replied, her voice cold. She felt nauseous and slightly dizzy as she turned around and walked fast to leave this room, leave this nightmare, only stopping when she was in the street and fully realized what she had done.


	6. Chapter 6

Once on the street, Pippa stopped and placed her trembling hands on her knees. She couldn’t just leave S.H.I.E.L.D., her whole life was here. The Council’s words kept replaying in her head and she felt bitter resentment as she remembered all the terrible things they had said. It wasn’t even about her relationship, it was about her as an agent. She felt like a pawn. 

They thought she wasn’t a good operative who had helped them for decades, that she was replaceable, they could decide to move her out of New York and far from her teams as if her dedication had no importance, no value, that anyone could take over her job. It wasn’t as if she had built teams based on trust and understanding through years after all? Not as if she had sacrificed so much to assemble the Avengers.

Pippa looked around, anger in her heart. She was disgusted in her superiors. They thought they could control every single aspect of her life to be more convenient with their plans. An agent who stays single is much more willing to give up their life without having someone at home waiting for her; an unattached agent was always easier to sacrifice. She grabbed the new agent she had met a few days ago by the arm just before he entered the building. 

“Agent Fitz, tell Director Fury I’ll come back in a few days to pack my stuff, ok?” she asked and with his nod, she started walking away.

\--

"You need to get a better hold on your people, Director. We expect an update in 48 hours." The woman said and the screens went blank. It all happened so fast that Fury and Steve just stood silently for a moment. Everything was falling apart, and Steve couldn’t see the path to make this right. All he knew was he needed to talk with Pippa. He had heard rumors before of the agency sometimes putting a burn notice on former agents, but nothing was ever confirmed, after all S.H.I.E.L.D. seemed to operate differently than other intelligence organizations. But not wanting to risk it, he raced out of the room to follow her; however, he didn’t see her in the hallway.

Steve had gone to her office first, expecting her to be there, but no one had seen her there at all that day. When the newbie tech agent told him he had seen her outside the building, Steve raced down the stairs and out the door to the busy street, bustling with people moving from one spot to another. He then saw her walking, already a block away from Headquarters. He tried to get around the businessmen and tourists blocking the walkway without just pushing them down. 

"Pippa!" he called, trying to get her attention.

Pippa felt a sudden tiredness as she heard him. She wasn’t sure she would be able to handle him at that moment, and for a split second she regretted she was no longer single, when she was the only one to suffer from her mistakes. She wanted to be alone and blame herself for acting so stupidly, but after sacrificing everything for him, she sighed, turned around, and waited for Steve to come to her.

"Don’t say anything," she ordered firmly, holding a single finger up at him. "I’m not going back. I won’t beg to get my job again."

"What?" He questioned, taken back by her anger but disregarded her command. "Beg for your job? No, fuck no!" He held her shoulders, looking around in case Fury had sent someone after them. He was conflicted, in his deepest desires, this is what he wanted. She would be safe from the dangers of her job, the demands and stress it placed on her, but he had not wanted it to come about like this. "I am just worried about… repercussions, against you… and it should have been me, I should have left…”

"You…?" Pippa sighed with a sorry smile. "You can’t leave, you’re Captain America! I can’t do that to the world."

She stepped back and took his hand. “There weren’t many options. If I had moved to another division, I still would have been away from you. No matter what, the story always had a bad ending… I don’t care," she lied, turning her back to Steve. "If I’m so easily replaceable they can just give my office to someone else."

"Sweetheart, let’s go to the tower. We’ll figure this out." He wanted to get her off the streets, but didn’t know if they could go back to their apartment, he needed to talk with Natasha and Clint. As they drove to Stark’s tower Pippa kept thinking about the options. She saw that Steve was worried and took his hand.

"Hey, don’t be afraid, I had someone tell Fury I will come back to clear my desk later. I know the protocols, a lot of paperwork, some testing sessions but it’s not _that_ hard to resign from S.H.I.E.L.D., many agents retire early because they can no longer handle this rhythm..."

She almost finished with “like Peggy Carter did,” but stopped herself in time. She definitely did not want to bring that up at this moment, and as she pronounced the words, Pippa realized she had absolutely no idea of what she was going to do now. She tried not to think about it too much.

"But you aren’t just like other agents, Pippa. You’re _the agent_. They wanted to keep you as you were before… before I messed everything up.” Steve started thinking about when Pippa had been in the hospital and the nurse had mentioned they didn’t have spouses visit— perhaps it wasn’t people being cold, it was that they just weren’t there. 

Most of the Avengers were at the Tower already, the women going back there when Pippa had left their hunting party, and Tony and Bruce were as usual in the lab with Thor observing. Before joining the others, he pulled her aside and spoke low. 

“Sweetheart, if… if you feel, after the heat of the moment has passed with a clear head, that you choose the wrong…” his throat was closing and he could feel the hot tears behind his eyes. 

"I love you more than anything, more than myself, but if it would make you miserable to be mine and not work for S.H.I.E.L.D., I…" he couldn’t say it. Instead he closed his hands around hers and kept looking at ground, unable to look into her eyes. "I’d want you to keep the ring though…"

"Call off the wedding?" Pippa whispered, and then her jaw dropped slowly as she looked at him, saw the despair on his face and the sacrifices he would do for her. She knew that for the moment she was holding on, keeping her mind focused, but eventually she would break. She shook her head, took his face in her hands.

"You know what? Fuck it!" She kissed him. "And fuck them!" And she kissed him again. "I love you, okay? I want to be your wife and all of them can just go to hell if I can’t have you." Taking his hand she pulled him towards their friends. "If I have to save the world on my own, then that’s how I’ll do it."


	7. Chapter 7

The whole team was gathered in the living room, talking, but all the discussions faded when Pippa and Steve entered. Always straight-forward, Pippa sighed.

"To sum up: the High Council has decided that our wedding could be a threat for the agency and that our relationship couldn’t go on with us working together. They gave me two options, moving to San Diego or leaving Steve. So, I chose a third option and left S.H.I.E.L.D."

Their eyes widened and Natasha’s jaw clenched. Tony jumped to his feet, shocked, stammering. “B—but you are S.H.I.E.L.D.! You are _the_ agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.! You’re the only one who can … almost… keep me in line! Pep, we need our meanest lawyer, whatshisname? The one with the bad comb-over— Sam, Sal, SAUL! Get Saul, I’m sure there is a way we can fight this!" Tony was snapping his fingers with a nervous energy. 

"We should fight this as warriors!" Thor offered, clenching his fist. "It is wrong to try to separate two lovers when they have betrothed. We should storm S.H.I.E.L.D. as a unit until the relent their obscene demand to separate the Captain and the Agent."

"It would be better to do it more peacefully, Thor," Bruce countered. "We could protest their decision and remove all of the Avengers from S.H.I.E.L.D. completely since they are trying to remove one of us anyway. We’re a team because of each other, not because who first brought us together…"

Pippa pressed the back of her fingers on her lips with a touched smile, trying to contain her emotion. She couldn’t help remembering the first time she had met Tony and Pepper and how they doubted her. When she had met Thor too, in the interrogation room. She was their enemy back then and now they were ready to support her at all costs.

Steve had his hand on the small of Pippa’s back supporting her, but he started to feel her slightly tremble as the group kept arguing about what they should do. In the corner of his eye, he saw Natasha and Clint giving each other knowing looks. Natasha then stood next to Pippa, a hand on her shoulder. “I don’t think this is what Pippa wants, right?”

"No, I don’t want you to pay for my mistakes," she nodded, unsure of what the real mistake was. "I… I’m gonna… find something to do, another job, once I’m done with formalities. I am not really eager to go back to S.H.I.E.L.D. after being treated this way to be honest. Twenty-two years and they still don’t trust me? No, thanks.

"I— I just wanted to tell you, to warn you," she added and it was clearly directed towards Clint and Natasha. "I’m sorry I ruined tonight’s party. But please, don’t dissolve the team, I gave too much to assemble the Avengers, I won’t do the whole stabbing in the heart again or Steve’s gonna pout." She tried to joke but her tone wasn’t light, her smile fake. Tony put down his phone, although his hands were still all over the place. 

“Well, then it’s settled. We’ll stay a team at S.H.I.E.L.D. for now, you’ll be a smashing success at whatever you decide to do, sorry for the phrasing Bruce, and you will finally make an honest man out of the good captain. I think this certainly calls for a toast.” He grabbed the bottles of champagne he was saving for later that night and started popping the corks. Once everyone had their flutes, Tony raised his to the couple. 

"To love! To friends! To freedom! To Steve and," he paused as it was clearly difficult for his mind to make the switch from his usual nickname " _Pippa!_ ” 

“Hear, hear!” everyone else called after and drank. 

"J, let’s get some music going… this is a party after all!" Tony commanded and moved to play bartender as everyone starting talking and clumping up. 

"Are you sure you’re ok, Sweetheart? You know, we don’t have to stay, or we can go up to my floor here; they’ll understand," Steve whispered into Pippa’s ear. He saw she was being stoic and almost jovial, but her eyes were sad. 

"It’s okay, I’ll be fine," Pippa lied, mostly to comfort herself. She tried to follow their lead and have fun, but things just didn’t seem quite the same. It was only when Thor mentioned his first arrival on Earth that Pippa felt her heart break and tears roll down her face.

"… because any other would have stopped me before I reached Mjolnir but not our Pippa, she made a different call and saved the universe with her tolerance!" Thor said with a grin. Clint was about to protest that he was changing his mind too when Pippa told him to wait but he saw her silent tears.

"Hey, boss? Are you okay?" Pippa smiled at his concerned frown and nodded.

"Yes, I… I don’t think I’m gonna make it to midnight, sorry. We’re gonna go home--” she saw Steve’s concerned look, “--it really will be alright, Darling-- and… I’ll give you some news later, if you don’t mind?"

Just before they left, they hugged everybody, and they all promised to be there if she needed help. Tony even suggested she could use the Tower, all of his facilities and supplies if she wanted to go freelance, and offered to give her money to start her own super-agent company. Pippa smiled and stayed strong but as soon as they were on the cold streets in the middle of joyful people rushing to Times Square, she broke down into tears, unable to pretend anymore that she didn’t care at all.

Steve held her close as they made their way back to their apartment. Once inside, she let out a wail and he wrapped his arms around her, hating that he couldn’t make this better. In fact, it was his fault this was happening at all. He knew the pain of being denied the job to fight, to defend what you loved, so he just let her cry. After just a few moments, his shirt was soaked through by her tears. He kissed her temple when her sobs had died down a bit. He pulled back to look into her wet eyes.

"How about I make you some of your tea, or draw you a warm bath? or both?"

"Okay," Pippa whispered with a weak sob. She let Steve prepare everything for her and sat in the bath before he came back with the cups. She rested her head back on his chest for a long time, soothed by his calming words and gentle touch. 

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled after a while. “It’s like… a tough break-up. I don’t want to go back, I know I can’t and I shouldn’t, but it hurts anyway. My whole life’s gonna change, and even if I don’t want to feel this way, I do have regrets. I don’t want to apologize, I don’t want to feel bad for something I don’t want anymore…”

Steve did the best he could, but he knew his words would be shallow comforts compared with what she had lost. After Pippa had calmed down a bit, they cuddled in bed, holding each other and talking low about what they could do. It had already been seven minutes into the new year when they realized they had missed the countdown. 

"Well, nonetheless, here’s to a new year filled with new opportunities," Steve said as he kissed her softly on the lips. "Whatever happens, I’ll be here for you, Sweetheart." He wasn’t sure when it happened, but after such a stressful day, both of them fell asleep with the light on.


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning as Steve was cooking breakfast, the backup doorman, Bert, rang their phone.

"Mr. Rogers, I’m sorry, but about seven packages were delivered just now for Ms. Coulson, all marked urgent. And I’d bring them up but due to the holiday, I’m the only one down here and…"

"Hey no problem, Bert, I’ll be right down." Steve moved the eggs off the fire and pulled on his house coat. Pippa had come out of the bathroom and was drinking her first cup of coffee by the time he returned.

"Pippa, I think someone has talked about your leaving S.H.I.E.L.D." he said smiling, and then handed over the thick envelopes from different intelligence agencies and businesses. 

"Oh, really?" Pippa put down her cup on the coffee table and started to go through all the envelopes while Steve finished preparing breakfast. Curious, she opened them all and made small piles but came up with excuses so she could justify not reading the offers.

A letter from Phillip Broyles of Fringe Division? No, even if she could babysit Tony Stark and The Hulk, Pippa wouldn’t be able to handle one or several versions of Walter Bishop. 

Jason Bourne and Annie Walker with the CIA both wanted her on their teams, yet they wrote to her without even sharing their information together, not the kind of secrecy she liked. 

Agents Mulder and Scully from the FBI? No, she couldn’t stand the woman’s skepticism besides, these two were not ready for a threesome. 

Brock Sampson with the OSI? Last time Pippa had met them, they seemed a little too tongue-in-cheek. 

Agent Hotchner from the BAU in Quantico? Too difficult, Pippa knew she was too sensitive to deal with gruesome serial killers. 

Sterling Archer from ISIS? Not nearly serious enough! 

Pippa set the mail aside with a sigh. She needed some time to think about it, and she had to stop finding excuses, but the truth was that all these prestigious agencies were not S.H.I.E.L.D., and even the most interesting offers seemed boring right now. Under the other letters Pippa saw a small envelope with Stark Industries logo. Inside was an official offer from Pepper to join and actually work for them with a promise of a very good salary and a LGBT friendly environment.

"Hm, I’ll think about that later," Pippa pouted. "I just… I really don’t know. I need a few days off I guess."

"About that, Sweetheart…" Steve assembled the Huevos rancheros without looking at her. “I didn’t know the best way to bring this up, and as time goes on it just becomes more awkward not talking about it. Growing up we didn’t really talk about money, other than saying how we didn’t have it, so I’m not really sure how people go about talking about how they do…” 

He fidgeted with his fork after he sat down at the table with the food, “If you didn’t find something you liked, that wouldn’t be a problem— money wise, that is,” he quickly clarified. “I have my back pay from the army that both of us could live on and… I guess what I’m trying to say is I don’t want you to feel like you have to rush to the next thing, you can take as long as you need to find what you want, what feels right.” 

Pippa put down her fork and swallowed as he fumbled with words. She took his hand with a smile, amused to be on the same wavelength for once.

"Stevie, it’s true that we don’t talk much about it but we can, anytime. I have, let’s say, saved a good amount of money despite my terribly expensive clothes and shoes. Working for S.H.I.E.L.D. has allowed me to make good investments and I really don’t need your money, if I wanted to take a full sabbatical year on my own I could."

"On the other hand, I know you see me as an impossibly modern girl but I wouldn’t mind living on your money. I know you’re a great guy who trusts me, I know you wouldn’t use this leverage to impose your choices and decisions on me. This is why I want to marry you, because I’m not afraid of depending on you —for some things. And if the times come when I can’t work anymore, and you’re not yet tired of my old face, then I’ll rely on you without shame. But right now?" she added, picking bacon with her fingers. "I need action! I can’t be a housewife, if I stay without adventure and adrenaline for too long I will become a super villain, I swear…!"

"I’m not suggesting your being a housewife. I love you, but your cooking…" he teased with a grin and then lost a bit of his courage again. “I have some other money in an account, too. Money S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn’t know about. I have barely touched it at all.” Pippa took another sip of her coffee, a sign he knew to mean he should continue on. 

"I have 23 million dollars that Stark— Howard that is— set up for me in a trust. Tony explained it as something along the lines of Howard’s growing distrust of S.H.I.E.L.D. around the time of his death, worried they wouldn’t help me if I was ever found. I have had no idea what to do with that much money except to buy one thing," he confessed in a quick string, not taking a breath. Pippa’s jaw dropped when he announced the amount and she blinked slowly.

“What did you buy, Steve?”

“I paid off the mortgage for this apartment, and I’ve been putting the check you write every month back into an account only you can access.”

“WHAT?!” He put up his hands in defense again and kept explaining.  
“Well, why would we pay a mortgage and all that interest when I could just take care of it? And it didn’t even make a dent on that account, but now if you wanted to start something new, your own… agency or shoe shop or whatever, I would like to invest the rest of that account in you. When we’re married, I’ll legally be able to."

"O… Okay," she stammered. "This is a lot to take in so early in the morning. I don’t really have plans right now but… what do you mean ‘when we’re married’?"

"Well, Howard set it up that way…" Steve was feeling more ashamed by having that much money than he ever was of not having money. "That I couldn’t give it to anyone or a charity, the exception being my wife and children. I believe the exact phrasing on the documents is ‘so Rogers won’t be all Captain America about this.’ He wanted me to spend it, but I don’t know what else I could do with the money I haven’t already been able to buy." 

Pippa shook her head with an amused smile and started eating. “Wow, I didn’t know I was engaged to one of Stark’s heirs,” she joked. “But he was right, you’re allowed to do what you want with it.”

She didn’t say however that Steve had much more time left to spend it, that he would stay on Earth much longer than she. "Wait a minute… when did you learn about that account? Not that I think you would have been ‘all Captain America about this’ but… if you tell me you were thinking about it when you proposed…" Pippa asked in a warning tone.

"A couple of weeks after the Battle in New York… I… it’s not that I was only thinking about it, I asked you to marry me because I want to be your husband very much. But there have also been some close calls, and I will be happier knowing that you’ll have whatever you need, separate from S.H.I.E.L.D., if I were to… die, again."

She rubbed the bridge of her nose with a groan. “Oh goodness, you are so predictable! You know what would happen if you left before I do? I would have one hell of a spangly ghost on my back trying to protect me from everything, am I right?”

"What else am I going to do with my afterlife other than try to keep you out of trouble?"

They both laughed softly and if Pippa wanted to tell him to take care of himself instead of always looking after her, she had to admit she had done the same with her life insurance. The realization struck her and she slapped the table. 

“Damn it! My life insurance! That’s how the Council found out about us. I changed my plan through work to make your my beneficiary this past week.” 

“Pippa, you didn’t have to change that, I…”

“Yes, yes, you're Rockefeller over here and certainly don’t need my little policy that won’t even cover a burn notice.” She had meant it as a joke, but saw that that possibility was still too real for Steve, despite any assurances she had made the previous day. She took his hand and kissed him softly over the table.

"Don’t worry I’ll be fine, I’m gonna fill some forms to take to S.H.I.E.L.D. tomorrow, study all of these job opportunities, and make love to my beautiful husband today. Then I’ll spend the rest of the week planning a very special day, but for now, let’s stop talking about death. It always comes too soon anyway. We’re both here, and I plan on things staying this way." Steve moved his thumb over the back of her hand, pleased to see her laugh and truly smile for the first time since the meeting at S.H.I.E.L.D. the day before. 

"That sounds like a pretty busy schedule, do I need make an appointment for this mentioned bedroom meeting, or am I more just ‘on call?’" He wiggled his eyebrows as he teased her, trying to keep her jovial mood.

"Ah, I might find a place for you between, hm… 1600 and 1700 maybe?" Pippa joked as she got up to get some more coffee. She felt Steve move in behind her and squeaked when he caught her in his arms, kissing the back of her neck. "Or it can be right now if there are pressing matters to discuss!”

\---

Her first day as an ex-employee went well, Pippa kept herself busy with Steve’s support, but she couldn’t really consider any of the offers she had received. And when she thought for a brief second of creating her own private company, she realized her first wish would be to hire the Avengers and she wasn’t ready to start a legal fight with S.H.I.E.L.D.

It’s only on Tuesday, the second day of this terrifying new year, that Pippa felt the difference. Letting Steve go to work on his own was more heartbreaking than she would have thought. She kissed him at the door, tried to hide her trouble. 

“I’ll be at HQ this afternoon, I have an exit interview and some testing at 3:00, then some other stuff to take care of. I don’t know if I’ll see you there, it probably won’t be very smooth, so… we’ll see each other tonight, okay?”

"I’m sure it will go ok, Sweetheart. I have a light day today— just training exercises, so give me a buzz, and I’ll come if you need help with packing your office or moving boxes, ok?" He kissed her one more time and started walking to work. Steve looked back to see her at the window watching him go down the street. He waved and hoped she would see the lunch he had made for her and stored in the fridge. 

About a block before he got to HQ, his phone started buzzing and he saw four new meeting requests for that morning— the first 10 minutes from then, to meet with the new handler. He couldn’t say he was surprised that S.H.I.E.L.D. had already assigned a new person, but it still rubbed him a little raw that they had. Maybe it was Agent Ward or Agent Sitwell, it certainly seemed that Pippa had been grooming them to step up to the challenge his team was.

He went straight to the meeting room, and all of the other Avengers were there already. Clint and Natasha were stoic as usual, Bruce and Thor seemed sullen, and Tony was outright pouting. Just as Steve was about to ask what was wrong, the chair at the end of the table swiveled around and Agent 13 was smiling at him. 

"Now that you’re here, we can finally get started. Please sit right here next to me, Steve." She patted the chair, and Steve followed his handler’s orders.


	9. Chapter 9

"When you joined S.H.I.E.L.D. you said, in this very room, that your job would always come before your private life. Is this still true?"

Pippa rolled her eyes. “People change in twenty years, you know? That was before I discovered S.H.I.E.L.D. would want to deprive me from my most basic rights at a citizen.”

"Please, answer the question," the young agent asked without a sigh, serious as a robot.

"No, it isn’t." Not what they wanted to hear, but it was useless to try deception. The man took note of the readings and adjusted his glasses on his nose.

"Were you contacted by other organizations and agencies before you resigned?"

"No."

"Do you know where you are going to work from now on?"

"Not yet," Pippa admitted, it was the truth.

"Ok, last question. Do you hold resentment against S.H.I.E.L.D., the High Council, or any of their affiliates for the events that occurred on December 31st?" Pippa licked her lips, she knew what kind of questions she would get, she had been on the other side of the table several times. 

“I am still slightly upset that the organization I dedicated my life to, for whom I sacrificed my personal life for decades, would decide that my marriage would make me qualified anymore to do my job. No, I don’t plan on selling intel to Hydra or AIM or any other organization. _Captain America_ being my husband keeps me an ally of S.H.I.E.L.D.” The man frowned, looking at the readings of the half dozen devices monitoring Pippa. 

“Why did you lie when you said you sacrificed your private life for S.H.I.E.L.D. for decades?” 

“You said that was the last question,” she countered.

“It was, but you lied for a part of your answer.” He seemed genuinely curious, but Pippa was annoyed that they detect such a small change in her voice.

"Right, if you want to know I didn’t stay single just to please my employers but because men like you prefer to humiliate, threaten, or beat women like me rather than love them," she concluded, getting up. Ripping away the wires and monitors from her, she grabbed her bag and didn’t look back. "Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some things to pack." 

There wasn’t much Pippa could take from her office. She sent the spare suits to the dry cleaner, and gave all of her classified files and laptop to a sworn in agent. Everything else she could easily fit in her large bag-- her tablet, a few doodles Steve had made during their lunches, her mug, some spare hairbands, and the Christmas presents from Clint and Natasha she hadn’t opened yet. It was hard to leave, knowing that this desk would never be hers anymore, reliving the memories of an entire life serving and protecting the world as a member of S.H.I.E.L.D. She felt like she was going to start crying again, so she quickly left without messaging Steve. 

It was still early, so she decided to walk back home on her own. As she saw her reflection in a shop window, white jeans and a pink sweater under her green coat, she realized she was now a civilian again. She wasn’t a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent anymore, as normal as all the other women on the street. So she went into the store and bought some pre-made meatballs, wine, loaf of bread, and jarred sauce. Tonight she was going to make dinner for Steve.

\--

Steve never had a problem of standing up for what he thought was right, it was more natural than anything else. When he knew something was wrong, he faced it head on without hesitation. But the situation with Agent 13 was something else, and he really didn’t know what to do.

In the meetings with the other teams and different task forces, she seemed perfectly professional, only insisting that Steve sit next to her. Steve had hoped whatever she had thought during London had been corrected, she knew he and Pippa were engaged, she knew what Pippa had given up for them to be together. He was in the conference room all day, only able to take a few bites of the sandwich he had brought between two task force meetings, but Agent 13 was staring at him and he felt awkward. 

As the day of meetings went on, eventually it was just the two of them in the conference room for the one-on-one meeting late in the afternoon. After the attendants of the previous meeting left, she locked the door and pulled down the shade on the window. 

"Steve, I wanted to apologize for my behavior in London at the hotel. I wasn’t thinking clearly, and I was in the wrong." He let out a sigh and smiled, relieved to not have the situation be uncomfortable. 

"Apology accepted. I hope we can work well together in the future."

"Yes, we will. You see, I realized I had made a bad assumption, because I had heard stories of you my whole life, I thought I knew you. But I don’t, and you don’t know me. If you did, you would have acted differently.” Steve was going to ask how she thought he should have acted, but she kept speaking. “So first thing is we are going to remedy that. You’re an important asset to S.H.I.E.L.D. and as your handler, I’ll need to know you as well as your previous handler to use you properly."

"Well, that may be a tall order to fill— Agent Coul—"

"DON’T say her name around me," she snapped, her tone harsh and her saccharine smile gone. "She’s left the organization, and no longer is a factor for my goals."

"Goals?" Steve questioned, but the agent just ignored it. 

"We’ll have three meetings a week. I will be observing your personal training and sparring sessions so I can learn exactly how your body moves. And you’ll be having lunch with me in my office everyday while we get to know one another, no work talk allowed, is that understood?"

"I—"

"Of course, I will provide the meal. I’m happy to be buying your lunches." Her tone was light and sweet again, but the sudden shifts in her mood disturbed Steve.

"I bring my lunch from home." 

"Well, you’ll no longer need to be doing that. I’ll see you tomorrow at noon, I will be moved into my new office by then. You are dismissed."

Steve left the room with a sinking feeling in his stomach and went to Pippa’s office, but she was already gone, and it was cleared out except for some boxes labeled "S. CARTER." He looked at his phone to see it was almost 1900, and if by cue, his stomach protested at his not having time to eat earlier. With a sigh, he got his coat from his desk and made his way back home, trying to shake off the day before he saw Pippa.

When he opened the door to their apartment, the comforting smell of cooked tomatoes and garlic hit him and he immediately felt better. He put down his bag, hung up his coat and found Pippa in the kitchen chopping vegetables for a salad, a pot of water boiling behind her and the radio playing a Big Band classic. 

“I’m sorry, I think I have the wrong apartment,” he teased and she looked up at him with a fond smile. She was adorable in a simple polka-dot blue dress with a coordinating apron over it. He saw the open wine bottle and two glasses. One was smudged with lipstick and almost empty.

“You’re home! I’ll put the noodles in the water, and we’ll have dinner in about 15 minutes.”

“To what do I owe the pleasure of coming home to such a pretty girl cooking one of my favorite meals?” Steve asked as he inspected the meatballs simmering in the tomato sauce. He turned and saw her trying to straighten the fabric of her skirt, worrying her fingers at the hem of the apron, how watery her eyes were. 

“I just felt like it, and saw the meatballs at the store, they won’t be as good as the ones you make from scratch but--” Her lip trembled and he cut her off with a tender kiss, holding her tight. 

“I have no doubt it will be the best meal I had all day,” he said. She smiled for real as a tear escaped down her cheek and he kissed it away. Steve decided then he couldn’t tell her about Agent 13, at least not tonight.


	10. Chapter 10

The next couple of days fell into a pattern of Pippa being miserable at home during the day, Steve being miserable at work, and both trying to hide it when they were together in the evenings. She was beyond bored, going over the offers again and not having the desire to really pursue any of them. Steve was just stressed, trying to finish all of his usual work while also having all of his extra meetings with Agent 13. The required lunches were difficult as he couldn’t talk about work, Pippa, or their upcoming wedding, and that was all he wanted to discuss. That was all that his life was at that time. By that Friday, the both of them were antsy during breakfast. Pippa was so desperate for some adventure and Steve wished he would have a good excuse to be away from Agent 13 for awhile. 

“I’m going cake shopping this morning with Pepper, then I’ll go get the things for this weekend. Do you need to add anything to the list?” Pippa asked while rinsing out her mug. 

“No, I think that’s everything. I’m looking forward to spending a nice relaxing weekend with you.” Steve replied, bringing his dish to the sink and kissing her on the cheek. “I guess I better get going,” he sighed. 

“How about I walk with you for a part of the way? I have some other shops I need to go to this morning, and I’ll get a few more minutes with my lovely fiance. Steve was delighted to have the company and the feeling like it had been before everything had fallen apart at work. When they finally were about to part a block from Headquarters, Steve gave her a passionate kiss and held her tightly. It was almost like he was going off to fight a war, but he didn’t care how it looked to others; he needed an extra pleasant memory to get him through his upcoming day. 

“You better be careful, soldier. You are giving me some ideas for this weekend,” she teased as she ran her fingers through his hair to straighten it up.

“I would be most happy to develop those ideas in full-grown plans tonight over dinner.” He kissed her one more time and neither of them noticed the black SUV slowly drive by.

\---

Pippa had taken her organizing notebook to the rental store, the lingerie boutique, and the bakery. The big bold S.H.I.E.L.D. eagle logo on the front made her chest hurt a little each time she saw it, but it was designed how she liked it with enough pockets and tabs to keep all the wedding things in order and under control. 

After a delicious cake sampling and long lunch, Pepper had to get back to her office with a promise of going shoe shopping sometime soon. Pippa made her way along the street towards the market when she got the odd feeling that she was being watched. 

Ten minutes later Pippa was sure that the black SUV behind her was following her. She had had doubts at first, wondering if the end of her days at the agency was getting on her nerves but now it was certain. The car had been following her for four blocks, slowing down when she did and turning right after her. Pippa rolled her eyes, she knew S.H.I.E.L.D. would keep her under surveillance for a while, but being so visible-- they must have sent very young trainees. She slowed down, stopped at a red light. The SUV double-parked and Pippa abruptly turned and walked towards it. She tapped the driver’s window.

"Friendly advice agents, if you plan on following me for a while use an unmarked car, or you’ll…"

She didn’t see the man sneaking up behind her, but most definitely felt the intense pain in the back of her head when his club hit her. She stumbled, lost consciousness as two other guys jumped out of the vehicle to catch her and pull her inside. That night, Steve returned to the empty apartment, and set about his routine of reading the mail and listening to the evening news as he tried to decide what to make for dinner. Pippa had said she would go to the market, but there wasn’t much in the fridge. 

“Must still be there…” He reasoned out loud, and settled to do some drawing while he waited for her to return, trying to sketch out the stress of that day’s meetings with Agent 13. Steve had been working on a landscape of Wakanda with T’Challa’s palace in the background and got lost in the details of the flora when his stomach rumbled. He looked up and it had been two hours. He pulled out his phone and frowned at seeing no messages from his love. He dialed her number, but it just went to voice mail. 

\---

Voices speaking in German, a headache, nausea, and the jerky swaying of the vehicle soon woke Pippa up. She blinked slowly, still stunned. Instinctively she started to analyze the situation to keep her mind focused. Her wrists and ankles were tied, duck tape around her mouth. She was on the floor of a dirty van, certainly not the SUV she had seen earlier, something bigger. 

She wasn’t panicked, this wasn’t the first time Agent Coulson had been abducted, but these morons had just made a poor decision seeing as she wasn’t a member of S.H.I.E.L.D. anymore. All of her accesses and accreditation were gone. She tried to look outside when one of the men, apparently the leader, threw her bag away. She briefly saw a rural road, looked at the goon’s watch and deduced they must have reached upstate New York. She planned on requesting the tape to be removed from her face when another guy, younger and with a Southern German accent started to talk in fast German.

“Boss, can I question this one? She seems like she could be fun!" Pippa tried not to show she understood him.

“Don’t be stupid, what does she know? She’s just Captain America’s girlfriend, you think he tells her about his plans? No, no questioning. She’s just a tool of the trade!" the older replied, slapping the back of his teammate’s head.

Pippa was shocked, this was different from every situation she ever had. She had always been caught by men who wanted intel or artifacts. Today her only value was to be an incentive for Steve? She wasn’t sure how to react to that. There were no protocols for being a superhero’s girlfriend. But the real cold shower came from another of the soldiers whose muscles didn’t seem very natural.

“So no playing with her? Jörg, come on… have you seen her tits?”

“We need her to look good and healthy for when we make the video, if he thinks we’ve hurt his fiancée he’s gonna be crazy and we want a peaceful surrender" Jörg promised. "You treat her well until we’ve got the Captain, after that… well, who am I to refuse my guys a little fun?”

\---

"Papa, papa! Look what I found!" the little girl exclaimed as she ran down the hill, a cellphone in her hand. "Can I keep it?"

“Where did you find this?" her father asked as his other daughter followed with a large purse.

"On the edge of the road. Someone threw it from a van!" Jonathan’s biggest ambition in life had been not to rock the boat. He explained to the girls that the purse was not theirs and they would have to take it to the police but at that moment, the phone in his hand rang, and when he saw the name on the screen, “Darling,” he didn’t have the guts not to answer.

\---

After fifteen minutes, with slightly shaky fingers, Steve tried again. When that failed again, he then called Pepper. She reported that she had not seen Pippa since lunch and suggested Pippa may have just gone a shopping spree and hadn’t heard her phone in the post-holiday crowds. Steve waited for another half hour and tried her for a third time. It picked up on the second ring, but the voice on the other end wasn’t Pippa’s.


	11. Chapter 11

After about two hours-- thanks to Jörg’s taste for big watches Pippa could keep track of the time-- the van stopped by a modest airfield and they all got into a small jet. They untied Pippa’s ankles and for a second she thought about fighting them, but they were all well armed and it was starting to get dark, she didn’t stand a chance, so she just made sure to trip and fall as they rushed to the jet. She tried to get some blood was on the concrete floor but they quickly pulled her back up, and that was all she could do for now.

They didn’t fly for as long as she expected though, that eliminated Europe and the cold weather when they came out of the jet was certainly not Mexico. They must have crossed the Canadian border. After a short ride in another van during which she regretted understanding German because she could have lived her whole life without knowing what they thought about her breasts and bottom, they finally stopped at their final destination-- a large cabin in the woods. 

Pippa looked up but the clouds hid the stars, she had no way of knowing precisely where she was. The huge bully, who she had learned was named Peter, pushed her inside with a slap on her ass and Pippa clenched her jaw.

But once she was locked in one of the bedrooms and they ripped the tape off of her skin, Jörg announcing she was “lucky to have the best room,” Pippa sat heavily on the bed and hid her face behind her hands. This was going to be hard. She had no idea how to react, every other time she had been taken hostage or questioned she was seen as a man in a suit, a threat and a respectable opponent. Not only was she considered a government agent with valuable intel but they always assumed Agent Coulson had received training that made him dangerous.

All the lewd looks, the dirty jokes, and the way they talked about her made her feel unclean. It was nothing like when Steve would confess, with the sweetest blush, how he loved it when ‘they’ jiggled as she moved. To them she was just someone fucked by Captain America, someone they would eventually play with, too. Pippa knew this wouldn’t be fun for her and downright dangerous if all these alpha males’ heterosexuality was threatened if they happened to discover she wasn’t like other girls. Curled up on the bed, in the dark room with a sealed-off window, tears rolled down her face as she wondered how Steve was doing.

\--

It had taken Natasha about twenty minutes to convince Steve not go out with his guns drawn to the farm upstate, but she didn’t let him go alone either. 

"You can be angry, but you can’t be mad, Steve. We have to have clear heads about this.” 

"You’re right, especially since I don’t think S.H.I.E.L.D. wouldn’t help on this one." Steve shuddered thinking of what Agent 13 would say or demand in return if he asked for her help. 

"Well, since this isn’t a S.H.I.E.L.D. mission…" Natasha smiled as she packed a 44 into her holster and got behind him on his bike. "...we can do whatever we need to do to get our girl back without worrying about explaining anything in a report." 

He tried his hardest to be polite as the farmer and his wife served them coffee and explained how their daughters found the phone and bag that afternoon. But in his heart, Steve wanted to both cry and smash everything he could see. Pippa would never part from her phone willingly, and it was like he was in a waking nightmare. 

"They’re not lying," Natasha said in a low voice as the couple retrieved the bag from a nearby room. "There’s two more farms down the road and a small hangar where they keep a crop duster. We can try to go out there tonight, but I’m not sure how much we’ll find in the dark." Steve felt like he couldn’t wait, even if they would have to search again in the morning. 

"We have flashlights, and I've tracked in worse conditions." So, the two of them got back on his bike with Pippa’s bag and headed down the dirt road. But the trail had gone cold— the freezing rain came down so fast and hard that any traces of tracks were washed away, and without any street lamps or moonlight, there was only darkness out in the country. When they got to the small airfield, Steve found an empty container of jet fuel that the owner of the strip had no idea was there. 

"We need to go back, Cap." Natasha said while closing the small netbook she had with her.

"HOW can you even say that? Pippa is… is…"

"We don’t know what Pippa is right now, other than not on our radar. If they took her here, if they took her from here on a jet, it’s not on any flight plans filed. They could have taken her anywhere, but judging by that container… if that was their only fuel… they didn’t go too far. 

"We go back, since they threw out her bag including her S.H.I.E.L.D. binder, I doubt they wanted her because of her status. In fact, this seems a little amateur hour for anything big. I don’t think they knew who they were grabbing."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better? That this is just some sicko taking my fiancee out to do God-knows what with?"

"Yes."

"YES?!"

"Steve, Pippa served in two wars, has been trained in a dozen martial arts, is the top ranked negotiator S.H.I.E.L.D. ever had, she’s survived a personal alien attack, she took out two armed robbers with a bag of flour and her fists. If these guys are just expecting some damsel in distress, they are going to be sorely disappointed. Literally. I know she’s a kitten around you, but really, to everybody else she’s a tiger." Steve looked out as lightning lit up the sky.

"I can’t lose her."

"I know. Let’s go back, sneak into Headquarters, and see if we can do any work on these prints." Natasha dusted and taped the canister then took photos with her phone from all different angles. 

\---

Pippa woke up after a short nap feeling slightly better. This was a new situation but she had to remember she wasn’t the civilian they considered her, she was still an agent. She got up and started to look around the room. A simple bed, a sealed-off window, the door was closed and the shadow of two men in the corridor showed she was under surveillance. She needed to study the cabin to check her options before trying anything. She knocked at the door to call her guards.

"I need to go to the bathroom," she explained when they opened. "Will you let me and give me something to eat, too?" She tried to keep an innocent tone not to show how she analyzed their every move, seeing how they stood and held their rifles like soldiers. _Play the good little girl_ , Natasha had told her multiple times. _They think women are weak, always use that to your advantage._

“I reaaally need to go,” she whined, slightly biting at her lip, and moving her hand to her crotch as Jörg joined them. The leader smiled as he handed her a smoked meat sandwich.

"Eat zhat, Liebchen. Peter has given you his dinner, isn’t he ze gentleman?" Pippa smiled and pretended to be grateful as she walked to the bathroom. The labels on the wrapping were all written in French, so she figured she was close to Quebec. That was a start. 

When he pushed her into the bathroom, Jörg told her to hurry and make herself pretty for the video they were going to send her boyfriend. Pippa remembered what he had told his team in the van, not to hurt her or it would drive Steve crazy. Apparently they just wanted to trade her for Steve, maybe even peacefully, they seemed to be counting on Steve’s sense of self-sacrifice. Sadly, Pippa knew it was most likely the right move on their part, he would do the stupidest things for her safety, even give his life if they promised to release her. He needed another incentive. He needed to be furious. 

Pippa took a deep breath, bit her lower lip and tried not to think too much while she banged her face against the sink. She couldn’t help yelping and when she got out, her nose and lips bleeding, she pretended she had tripped and fallen because of her heels. They tried to clean her up the best they could, but the damage was done, her eye was already already turning a reddish purple and her nose was swelling.

The video Jörg recorded lasted less than three minutes during which Pippa was only required to sit still on the chair she was tied up to, blood dripping onto her sweater. She started to cry to look even more defenseless and as they explained that they would only trade her for Steve himself and gave their contact instructions, she sobbed loudly to hide she was blinking in Morse code.

-Q.u.e.b.e.c - C.a.b.i.n - W.o.o.d.s-


	12. Chapter 12

Steve refused to rest as the two of them ran the prints they found on the canister and Pippa’s bag through the computers at HQ. Using security cameras, they sketched out a rough timeline of Pippa’s abduction and a radius of where the plane could have gone, but it covered more than a dozen states and a large portion of Canada and that was if Pippa even had been on that jet. 

The back of Steve’s mind a dark, dark corner feared that Pippa had been taken by men who had wanted to harm her because of her body. He had seen the movies and read the news when transpeople would be targeted, beaten and killed, left in a ditch. He was so tightly wound that when his phone buzzed, he jumped out of his chair. 

"Hello?"

"Steve! You’re late for our lunch appointment. Report to my office immediately!" his handler chastised. Steve couldn’t believe that they had worked the whole night and morning. His voice already shot, he tried his best explanation.

"I… I’m sorry. I’m not feeling well today. I…" Steve still wasn’t very good at lying, but it was the truth. He felt terrible. He remembered he didn’t need to go into any more detail. "I’m not coming in today. I’m not feeling well." He heard her sigh and tell him to get better, then he hung up, and rubbed his eyes. 

"I think you need to rest, Steve." Natasha encouraged. 

"I can’t until I find her." 

"You two really are two peas in a pod. When you were missing, I think Pippa didn’t sleep for three days, then only got a cat nap. But you really are better when you aren’t running on fumes." He let her guide him to a cot, and pulled a blanket over him. 

"We’re getting married soon. Why did this have to happen now?" he sobbed after Natasha had turned off the light. 

"I don’t know, Steve, but we’ll fix it." She closed the door, hoping she could keep that promise. 

\--

Pippa kept track of the hours not to lose her mind. She had heard men joining them and estimated they should be about fifteen in the cabin now, taking turns to guard the woods around. She could take them down but she would need at least one gun, a good plan, and to keep her mind focused. 

She had endured several types of torture before, she had been in rough situations, hell she even died once, but she had never had a “Being a typical woman in a man’s world 101” class. It was the worst psychological torture: every move she made they commented in German, their loud laughs, their looks, their inappropriate hands, and the way Peter kept escorting her to the toilet like a creepy fetishist. When he told her that she could use the bath if she wanted, that he would look after her if she needed to get clean, Pippa realized the giant one was their weakness. She gave him a shy smile and nodded.

"Maybe later… but thank you, you’re so much nicer than the others!"

\--

That afternoon late, Steve was again surprised by his phone ringing in his pocket. When he saw it was from the doorman at their building, he allowed himself for a second to believe that Pippa had found her way home, that she was using Ernie’s phone to ask him where the hell he was. 

"YEs?" He knew he sounded desperate and excited, but he couldn’t help it. 

"Mr. Rogers, uh… a package just arrived for you. It’s marked urgent, but doesn’t have a return address. I wasn’t going to accept it. It’s labeled for your work I believe, but they routed it here and the delivery man was instant that you would want this.."

"I’ll be right there. Don’t… don’t put it with rest of the packages. I’ll be there in less than 10 minutes." He flew out of the door without explaining anything to Natasha. Agent 13 saw him running down the hallway and tried to call out after him, but he only went faster down out the door, a full sprint to their building.

When he saw the package, he knew it was from whoever had taken Pippa. He almost opened it there, but took a breath and thought of Natasha. He calmly thanked Ernie then went back to S.H.I.E.L.D. where Agents Fitz and Simmons scanned it first for explosives or other bio-hazards.

"It appears to be a memory stick, we can put it on one of the burner laptops, they aren’t attached to anything, so it’s isolated from infecting any of our servers or systems," Agent Fitz offered. As the four crowded around and clicked the video clip to play, Simmons brought her hand to her mouth when she saw Coulson bloody and sobbing. 

"The exchange will happen in Philadelphia, two days from now at 3:40 pm, Eastern standard time." The voice on the recording said. 

"Why so long from now?" Fitz questioned. 

"To make us more desperate," Natasha answered. But every sound and word around Steve was just a buzzing noise, he could only see Pippa, bleeding and tied up, crying in a way he’d never seen her do before….

"She’s faking it," Steve realized out loud. 

"Wha? How could she be faking bleeding like that?" Simmons said. 

"No, that’s not how she sounds when she actually cries. It’s a fake cry, look at her eyes, she’s... " Steve reached for paper and started writing down letters. "She’s blinking in Morse code—- cabin, woods, Quebec. Nat, bring up those maps again, is there a place let’s say, an no more than hour out of Quebec, with a cabin and relative closeness to an airstrip where a jet could land?"

Natasha typed things into her computer, and brought up three locations on the global satellite surveillance. Steve looked them over and then pointed to one. “That one… there.”

"What makes you so sure?" Fitz, Simmons, and Natasha asked together. 

"Zoom in there." Steve pointed and as the picture became a higher resolution, it was clearly a Hydra flag. "Those bastards love to advertise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the hiccup in posting. Real life has been difficult for us lately. I am going to try really hard to get everything posted before Christmas, but it might all be after this Saturday. We'll see. --nausicaa82


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to have an extra warning, this chapter contains attempted dub/non-con. I had forgotten about it until getting it ready to post, or would have had it in the warnings from the beginning. 
> 
> This chapter also has a lot of violence in it. 
> 
> If you would rather not read it, there is a general summary in the end notes so you can just read that and continue on with the next chapter.

It had now been almost two days and Pippa had absolutely no idea of what was going on. They kept her locked away most of the time while they discussed their plan, and she didn’t know if they had contacted Steve or not, or if they had changed their minds. She couldn’t wait any more; it was getting on her nerves not to do anything, so she set her plan into action. She knocked insistently at her door until it was opened by a very annoyed Jörg and group. 

"I would like to take a shower if I could, please,” she asked in her softest voice. Pippa’s blood felt cold when she saw a grin on Peter’s face, but she hid it through a timid smile. Exactly as she had predicted, he offered to look after her. While they walked to the bathroom, Pippa calculated the chances she had to get out of here in one piece-- slim at best, but there was no going back, she either killed them all and ran away or having exposed her secret, faced a different set of troubles. 

Of course the giant stood inside, his back turned towards the locked door, with a smirk that proved he intended to enjoy the show. Pippa removed her sweater, heart pounding in her chest. She couldn’t miss her opportunity. She remembered how she used to judge Natasha, a long time ago, for using her wonderful feminine body to get what she wanted. Pippa had eventually understood that sometimes there were no other choices, and now she felt how when it could be a matter of life and death, there were no rules. She turned towards Peter, a hand on her hip, the other fingering a strap of her bra.

"Maybe we could make a deal? I’m so scared being alone in my room all the time, so let’s say, if I give you what you and I both know you want right now, you’ll ask Jörg to let me be free in the cabin, have some company?" Pippa bit her bottom lip and hoped he was as stupid as he seemed because in this situation, he could just violently take what he wanted. Seeing how he hesitated, she hid her disgust and removed her bra with a playful smile. "Come on, I just don’t want to be alone anymore, and you want to play with these…"

Peter couldn’t stop staring at her breasts and even his gaze was revolting. Pippa had a genuine smile and a mischievous glint in her eyes when he finally put down his gun. That was all she really needed. He walked towards her while undoing his belt, his huge paws were almost on her when she dodged and chopped his neck hard enough to make him fall on the ground. She kicked him and his forehead hit the tub, but he was already unconscious. Someone knocked at the door. 

“Everything okay in there?” She wasn’t ready, not yet, she had to buy time so she placed the back of her hand on her mouth and faked muffled moans and kisses to pretend Peter was getting what he wanted until she heard the soldier go away. When she was dressed again, Pippa picked up the gun, removed the safety, took a deep breath, opened the door, and with steady hands shot the guard down the corridor.

\--

Agent 13 had called him five times, Fury twice, but he had stopped answering their calls. He didn’t care if he would get in trouble with S.H.I.E.L.D., he would take whatever punishment they would give when this was over, when Pippa was safe back at home. He had really been unsure if he could stay there if he was going to have to continue the lunch dates with Agent 13 everyday and all of its implications. 

Luckily, he hadn’t had to ask or even steal a QuinJet for the trip as Natasha had contacted T’Challa, and the now-healthy ruler was insistent on sending his own advanced aircraft and an elite group of Wakanda Special Ops to assist in extracting her before the proposed exchange. Steve couldn’t stop bouncing his leg in the small jet until the pilot touched down, anxious to get to the cabin as quickly as he possibly could. The group of eight filed out of the back, Captain America and Black Widow leading the way. They secured the perimeter, taking out a few guards silently. As they cautiously approached the cabin, Steve heard shots and without thinking, rushed towards them.

\-- 

Pippa was focused on her task, trying to count her bullets and the estimated amount of Hydra agents remaining in the cabin. She got two more of them in the corridor and stole their guns-- that left eleven in the main room if she wasn’t mistaken. She saw the surprise in their eyes when she emerged from the hallway and stormed into the main room. They had turned over a table to create more cover, but froze in shock to see the gunshots had been coming from her and not a rogue Hydra agent. 

Using the advantage, she killed Jörg first, but that woke them from their stupor and she jumped to the side to avoid an onslaught of bullets. She had taken a few more including the one who kept holding his bottle of beer in an obscene way to describe what he would do to her ass when the front door was busted down. Pippa gasped and slightly panicked, she had not expected them to have backup.

In a hurry, she shot towards the door, only to see her bullets stopped by the red, white, and blue shield she knew all too well. Steve almost shot back at his attacker, but stayed his hand when he saw it was Pippa. A slight movement on his left and he pivoted to shoot one of the men in his collar bone the other square in the chest. 

“How many more?” he asked when none of them were left standing in the room.

"I think that’s all," she answered, throwing two empty guns away and picking another off one of the fallen bodies. "Perhaps a couple more outside the cabin but I’m not sure." Natasha and the Special Ops were collecting hard drives and documents, and looking outside for other Hydra soldiers. Eager to feel him close again, too focused on her lover, Pippa stood and didn’t notice Peter’s large frame behind her. A strong hand gripped her bruised face and she was pulled back against his tall body.

"Bitch, you owe me something!" Peter growled, visibly unaware of the situation. Pippa bucked against him, trying to escape his grip as his tongue licked her cheek and his hand squeezed her breast too hard. Steve’s rage overwhelmed him and he flung his shield slightly to the right of the large man’s body. As it flew by him, he looked up to see Captain America's scowling hooded face just in time for the shield to bounce off the wall behind him and hit him square in the back of his neck with a sickening crunch. He grip became lax and Steve rushed forward to catch Pippa as Peter’s 350 pounds of dead weight collapsed and threatened to crush her. With the softest of touches, he looked over her face for any sign of further injury, extra careful around her nose.

"Are you alright, Sweetheart?"

Pippa fell against Steve’s chest and clung to his shoulders, shaken. All that had happened these last days made her feel terrible but it was even more humiliating in front of her Steve. She kissed him hard on the lips and sighed in a trembling voice, as if she hadn’t been the one taken in hostage. 

“I was so worried about you! Oh! So scared for you--”

"Me?? I was worried about you. You had these goons to deal with, I only had Agent 13. It was my fault you were taken… I am so sorry this happened. Did they hurt you?" He was talking fast, the adrenaline still surging. Looking down at Peter’s body, he tightened his grip on her. "Did _he_ hurt you?” Held by Steve’s strong arms, Pippa allowed herself to relax a little and let out a sigh. 

“I’m fine… don’t worry. I’m fine.” She looked away and kissed him one last time before he guided her towards the door.

"Are we leaving it like this or is there a team coming to clean up?" Pippa asked. "I didn’t think S.H.I.E.L.D. would come now that I’m not an agent anymore."

"This wasn’t a S.H.I.E.L.D. operation; I’m not here as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent," Steve stated, trying to ignore that he may have inadvertently quit his job. Natasha just put up a single finger towards the couple as she started directing the Wakandan group. 

“Cap, take her to the jet, we’ll take care of this.” 

She was clingy, wanting to hold on to Steve as he gently started cleaning her face. She pushed his cowl back to see his mussed hair, the small drops of sweat on his brow. They didn’t say anything as both were overwhelmed with their emotions. When the rest of the band rejoined them in the jet, the couple saw the cabin engulfed in flames, and Natasha pulled Pippa by the arm to take her to the back. 

“I need to talk to your girl, Cap. I promise I’ll give her back in a minute!” Steve nervously nodded and watched them go, worried about the distance between Pippa and him.

"How are you?" Natasha asked softly when they were seated, facing each other. Her serious look meant she wasn’t just talking about Pippa’s face. The older woman looked down for a few seconds before nodding. 

“I’m okay… nothing happened. There at the end was the worst of it, but… I did things I’m not proud of.” Natasha looked down, but nodded her head in understanding.

"You know you didn’t have a choice, you had to use their weaknesses. You did the right thing. Now it’s over, don’t feel guilty." Pippa sighed deeply, ran both hands on her tired face. 

“I… it was so hard, being considered like… like a civilian woman. All the things they said while they thought I didn’t understand. And…” She took Natasha’s hand, her fingers trembling slightly. “And this little voice deep inside that made me think I should be proud to be treated like a piece of meat because at least, I was passing perfectly! I have what I always wanted, and now I have to take the bad with the good. It’s my own fault.”

"No, no, no… you know that’s not true, Pippa," Natasha sighed as she squeezed her hands. "You deserve nothing less than complete respect, just like any other woman. I understand why you would think that way, but you know it’s not true." Looking towards the front, she nodded in Steve’s direction. "Trust me, I know how hard it can be to just be around any man after such situations, you question what’s really going through their minds when they look at you. Just remember that one has no alternative motive. He cares so deeply for you, you can talk with him, and of course, you can always talk to me."

"You’re right. Thank you." Pippa squeezed her hands one last time and got up with a grateful look. She had taught the young agent a lot back in the days, but when it came to femininity Natasha had the advantage of experience. 

Pippa settled back beside her fiance and kissed his cheek. "Thank you for coming, Darling."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pippa tricked a Hydra goon, Peter, who was attracted to her, earning his gun, and then killing most of her captors. Steve (and special back up) arrived and helped take out the Hydra post. Before leaving, Peter reappeared and attacked/groped Pippa, but Steve killed him with his shield. The group burn the cabin to the ground with the bodies inside and then head back to New York.


	14. Chapter 14

Steve held Pippa as the flight continued, occasionally kissing her temple, petting at her shoulders. As his body was starting to relax in a post-adrenaline rush, she turned to kiss his jaw and asked, “Why did you say you had to deal with Agent 13? Did they send you on another mission with her?”

"Oh, that? Um…" He tensed again, and tried not to look in Pippa’s direction. He couldn’t lie to her, but he didn’t want to tell the whole truth either. "She’s… she has your old position and teams. She’s my handler now, and very um… adamant about some things," Steve explained, still unable to meet her eyes. Pippa’s breath caught in her throat, but she tried not to let her surprise and jealousy be seen. She knew someone would take over her teams after all.

"Well seeing how this new year is starting, it doesn’t surprise me much… we’re going from bad news to worse news, right?" she tried to laugh. She placed her cheek on Steve’s shoulder. "But if she ever acts inappropriately with you, you should file a complaint. Especially since she’s your full-time handler now. Don’t hesitate my love."

Steve squirmed slightly in his seat, but kept his eyes square on the horizon at the front of the plane. He was at a loss of words. He couldn’t explain to Pippa how he couldn’t explain this to anyone else. So, instead he just slightly nodded his head.

An hour later, they were landing on an airstrip at Laguardia, and there on the tarmac was Director Fury who was walking to them with a severe look. 

“Will you like to debrief me on this mission now or within the hour? If Romanov wasn’t here, I’d think you two went on some weird honeymoon.”

"I don’t have to give all the details, sir. This wasn’t a S.H.I.E.L.D. mission, something I did on my own… with Agent Romanov’s assistance—" Steve started.

"Of course it was a S.H.I.E.L.D. op, Rogers! Do you think I am blind or just stupid that I wouldn't notice you two working at HQ? How do you think Romanov contacted Wakanda?" Fury interrupted. "I even stepped in when your handler seemed to have misplaced you and was on a warpath to find you for some meetings, but you would know that if you answered your phone."

Steve colored a bit, both embarrassed and dreading having to have his private meetings with Agent 13. ”Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. I’ll report to her and receive my reprimand for going AWOL.” 

"Rogers, you weren’t AWOL. I knew where you were, she won’t give you shit about it. But I do expect a report about the mission by noon tomorrow. Meanwhile, Coulson, you and I need to talk about your old position. Do you have a moment now, or do you need to visit med bay first?" Fury asked with the slightest smallest tinge of concern in his voice. Pippa nodded and followed him. 

“It’s okay, I’ll be fine.” She didn’t need any more people paying attention to her body right now. In Fury’s office she spoke first, afraid of what he would say. "My old position, yes. Let’s talk about it. You gave my job to an agent who, I think, is qualified enough and capable of doing great things for the agency…"

"But… ?" Fury asked, certain there would be one.

"But I am concerned she doesn’t actually make Steve’s job easier. She, for some reason I can’t grasp, makes him uncomfortable," Pippa added.

Fury turned around and crossed his arms. “Listen, Coulson. I can’t really open an investigation asked by you for obvious reasons. But, along those lines, I am not very happy with how Agent 13 is handling your teams. She separated Romanov and Barton on the first day, she doesn’t realize that threatening his friends won’t make Stark cooperate, she has made Simmons cry at least once a day, and May hasn’t opened her mouth since you left; not to mention the reports and trainings she hasn’t done. I really need you to come back. Just apologize to the Council, and…”

Pippa couldn’t help feeling proud of being missed. She had never thought her job was so difficult. It seemed normal to her, but apparently not to everyone. When Fury suggested she apologized though, she shot him a deadly glare.

"I’m sorry, but if the Council didn’t want anarchy in their agency, they should have thought about that before threatening me. Their conditions were unacceptable, and it is not for me to apologize." She got up, and shook Fury’s hand with a sigh and a warm smile. "You know this is not about you, Marcus. But for now I’m gonna focus on other projects, I’ve had several propositions, and a wedding to plan." 

She left the room and went to find Steve so they could leave for the day. In her search, she found Natasha and Melinda, and they walked with her to help find her super soldier. When they passed her-- no, Agent 13’s-- office, Pippa overheard angry shouting. The door was open, and she saw Steve sitting in a chair looking down while a visibly livid Agent 13 was circling him like a shark.

"You left without any notification or my permission!! You seem to have a bad history of following orders, and I think I’m going to have to recommend that you stay in the barracks until you are more pliable. You’re an important asset to the organization, Steve. We can’t go lose you for another 70 years, and there will certainly not be any more of these clandestine missions. I’m your handler, I should know when you have an assignment!"

"Ma’am, it wasn’t really an assignment, I just thought I was going after Pippa’s—" Steve was cut off as Agent 13 slapped him hard across his face.

"I told you not to say that name around me! Now go to my quarters. We are having dinner tonight to make up for the lunches you missed."

Defiantly, Steve lifted his head to look her straight in the eye. “I must decline. I have plans tonight with my fiancee, Pippa.” He emphasized her name again, and didn’t flinch as Agent 13 struck his cheek again, hard enough to break the skin.

Pippa rushed in past Natasha and Melinda as the second slap hit. She didn’t care about protocols, hierarchy; it wasn't a matter of her professional jealousy of Agent 13 having her beloved job or office; this woman had hit her lover, this was personal.


	15. Chapter 15

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Pippa growled as she grabbed the handler by the collar of her white shirt, slamming her against the desk. 

"Handling my team," Agent 13 replied furiously. "What you apparently couldn’t do."

Pippa exhaled slowly, once, and it was done. She lost it. They started with instinctive slaps, then biting and hair pulling until they got balanced again and could take proper fighting positions. Steve tried to get between them but Natasha and Melinda, both guarding the door, held him back in the hallway with imperceptible smirks. Pippa rolled on the floor, kicking Carter with her high heels and swept her off her feet.

"What happened to ‘men shouldn’t hit women’?" Sharon roared after a particularly hard punch to her jaw. Pippa spit blood and shrugged.

"It works both ways," she replied, ignoring the insult of being purposely mis-gendered. "You shouldn’t have hit your charge, _my_ man.” Agent 13 was about to respond and Pippa was ready for more, but Fury entered the room, pushing away all the agents that had gathered in front of the door.

"What the fuck is going on here?" he shouted. "You stop this madness, right now, the Council wants to speak with you three, and let me tell you I don’t give a damn if they send you all to the Moon!" 

Agent 13, Pippa, and Steve followed after the director; the two women continuing to glare at each other while Steve stared at his feet, worried. Once everyone was out and the office was silent, the air duct was opened and Clint swiftly slipped out of his nest, cellphone in hand.

"Stark? Tell me you’ve had Agent 13 under surveillance here… that’s what I thought. Well, we need the past ten minutes in front of the Council in two; think you can do that?"

\--

The three of them were standing in front of the Council, but before anyone could say anything, Steve stepped forward with his shoulders squared. 

"I must apologize. This was my fault. I could have prevented it from starting, and I could have stopped it once it had. I—"

"Agent 13," the shaded council member began as if Steve hadn’t spoken at all. "In the short time you have had your position, there have been a dozen formal complaints filed about your behavior. Now we have received footage of your blatant abuse of power over Captain Rogers. He is classified as one of our top assets, explain yourself."

She kept her eyes down, but calmly replied, “I only did what I thought was best for him.” 

The members all seemed to be expecting that sort of answer, and one of them pulled out a file to read from. "Obviously, there is a cultural problem there in New York and you need more time to develop your judgement. We are reassigning you to the West Coast. Report to the Los Angeles headquarters by 1000 tomorrow. You are dismissed."

Pippa could only feel lighter as they spoke, reassured that, at least, Steve would work in a more appropriate environment. She wondered what would happen to her, but their next target was Steve.

"Now Captain, you and Black Widow left for a mission, completely off the book, and used S.H.I.E.L.D. supplies without permission. What do you have to say about that?" Steve stepped forward but Pippa cut him off with assurance, she had nothing to lose after all. 

“A few days ago I was abducted by Hydra and confined inside of one of their facilities in Canada.” She hesitated for a second before lying. “They knew I was Captain America’s handler, and they wanted intel, they didn’t know I wasn’t an agent anymore. Needless to say they didn’t get any information from me. But when they ordered Steve to be discreet about it, he had to play their game and not inform S.H.I.E.L.D. I know this is inline with protocol, but this is my method, and I’ve always encouraged my teams to work it when necessary.” The council members remained silent for a while before a loud sigh was heard. 

“Coulson, you have always been a lot of trouble for this agency. But you are one of our best assets and we wouldn’t like to see you work for another company. We know how many are asking after you so, even if we might regret it, we would like you to come back. As an official apology, we can offer you a promotion. Director Fury told us he could use another deputy director.” Pippa was stunned and she could read surprise on Steve’s face, but she tried to keep calm. 

“I am flattered sir, but there’s only one thing I would demand for my return. I want to go back to my previous position, my office, my teams, and a raise for all of them.”

Steve had kept his face straight as the Council believed Pippa’s lies, but he couldn’t hold back a smile as they apologized and offered her job back. She had only asked for the one thing, and he felt this was as good as anytime to demand what he really wanted.

"And I will stay on if S.H.I.E.L.D. promises not to interfere or have any negative repercussions about our marrying."

"Rogers, you are not in a position to be able to quit—"

"You cannot keep me here."

The group was silent until the member in the middle sighed. “Fine, the Council and S.H.I.E.L.D. will not interfere with your union, although our original concerns remain, and we will not give our blessing.” Steve took Pippa’s hand in his, and laughed. Pippa would have never dared to talk again about their relationship and she was glad Steve asked for more privacy.

"We never needed your blessing, just your not actively trying to pull us apart."

When they got out of the room, most of the agents and spies gathered in the open plan were waiting and started to applause, much to Agent 13’s embarrassment. Pippa couldn’t contain a smile and lifted a finger to stop them.

"Guys, guys… it’s okay. I want all of your reports on my desk tomorrow morning, get back to work now. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go home, and… get changed," she announced, pointing at her blood stained clothes.


	16. Chapter 16

The taxi ride home seemed long, but it really wasn’t. Steve kept looking around at the people on the street and wouldn’t stop touching Pippa— holding her hand, holding the small of her back. Once they were in the apartment, he double locked the door, and then leaned over to envelope her into his arms. Holding her tightly against his chest, he couldn’t hold back the tears that escaped from his eyes. Pippa let him hug her, his strong arms around her being nothing but gentle, his strength made her feel good, not scared. With a soft sigh she nuzzled his neck.

"Oh Pippa!" His voice finally able to be broken, a mix of a whine and a cry, an expression of his true feelings he had bottled up for the past few days. "They didn’t take you because you were my handler." He knew that she knew that, but he couldn’t say the real reason without sobbing. "It’s my fault."

"No, it’s not… it could have been anyone you love, we’re lucky they picked me and underestimated me." She kissed his jaw, observed his heartbreaking face, wet long lashes and red eyes and admitted, taking his hands to guide him to the couch, "But I was really scared, to be honest. This time it was… different. Come here. I have to tell you about what happened." She sat down on the couch and his guilt caused him to pause. Without hesitation he dropped to his knees, resting his head on the top of her thighs as a sign of penitence. 

"But you are the only one I love, and you were taken because I love you, because I would do anything for you, and they hurt you and you were scared because I was too slow to find you," His hands fisted in frustration of his own incompetence. "I’m sorry, Pippa. I’m so so sorry."

"Shhh… no, Stevie, no it’s not your fault," she murmured, hands on his head. "The only way I could have been left alone was if I hadn’t been yours, and you know that is not what I want. I am yours and if it means being in danger, I don’t care, it’s still better than being without you."

His shoulders were shaking in an anger and frustration she had never seen in him before and as she rubbed her hands on his back and neck she understood he had been scared for her, terrified, much more than she had ever been. For hours he had lost track of her and anything could have happened, he probably imagined the worst. 

When she had lost him, once, they had only been on a single date, nothing more. But these last couple of days, he had almost lost his bride and Pippa could barely imagine how she would have felt in his place.

"Steve, nothing is your fault. You found me quickly, you showed up just in time. You were in the right place just when I needed you," she soothed softly, running her fingers in his hair. "They didn’t hurt me, I swear. They thought I was defenseless so they treated me relatively right, comparing to other situations I’ve been in before as an agent."

"But your nose..." he started, "In the video, I could tell you weren’t really crying, but… I couldn’t help thinking that just because you weren’t then didn’t mean you weren’t crying other times.” Pippa couldn’t help smiling. 

“Of course you knew I was faking it, that’s why you’re my man and no one else is…” She sighed and kissed the top of his head, still running her fingers on his neck. 

“Or if they tried anything with you and saw," he paused to take in a choked sob of a breath, "how you were different— what they would do to you…" She pulled him to her chest and placed her cheek on top of his head, rocking him gently. 

“I’m not gonna lie, I was scared about that too. But it’s over now, and we have to remember it could have been worse, much worse. We did okay…” If it had happened a few years ago when she wasn’t passing yet, the outcome would have probably been very different. She tilted Steve’s head back and kissed each cheek to gather salty tears. She then kissed his burning forehead.

“You know, when I was there, I couldn’t take them down all at the same time. I had to get them one by one if I wanted to get out alive. So, that guy who grabbed me in front of you, I saw how he looked at me. I pretended to give him what he wanted. I ended up topless, but… but nothing happened. I just needed him to put down his gun for a second so I could deck him. I’m not really proud of it, but I saw no other way and I thought you deserved to know.”

He could hear her heart beat through her chest, the steady familiar rhythm calming him. The soft but firm pillow of her breasts a comfort. “I can’t hold that against you, Pippa. As long as you got out safe, I wouldn’t care what you would do to gain the advantage,” he confessed into the fabric of her sweater. 

"Would you please do something for me, sweetheart? Don’t blame yourself. Nothing was your fault. And as for my bloody nose… it was not them, it was me. I was afraid you’d accept their deal, that you’d give your life for me if they promised to leave me alone so I… I made sure they wouldn’t look like clean guys. I didn’t want you to sacrifice for myself so I gave my favorite agent a little incentive," she added before placing a finger on his lips. "But don’t tell the team you’re my favorite agent, right?"

"I think they have their suspicions," he whispered, calmed down a bit and quiet in his contemplation. She was right, he would have traded his life for hers without a second thought. He suddenly felt bad that he had been such a mess when she was the one who had gone through something so traumatic. 

"I’m not being a very good Captain America or fiance right now am I?" he looked down again. 

"You worry for me, what more could I ask for? Except perhaps that you didn’t worry that much…" Pippa smiled. She took his hands, entwined their fingers. "Now everything’s fine, I’m back and healthy, we both kept our jobs… and I suspect you ate less than I did these last days, but otherwise we’re alright. Tonight I will turn off my phone so that nothing can disturb us, I said we were going to be alright." Kissing his forehead and his nose one more time, Pippa grinned. “And we’re gonna seriously get ready for a wedding, right?”

"Let’s do it next weekend," he requested. "I don’t care about all that fancy stuff, I just want you. I don’t want to wait anymore." He looked up at her with big pleading eyes. 

"Less than two weeks to plan a wedding?" she laughed softly, looking at her watch. "We’ve been through worse, we can do it… and rest later."

Rest wasn’t for people like them but Pippa knew that with Steve by her side she would be able to do so much. She let him carry her to the bathroom so that she could get rid of all the sweat and dirt as he prepared their room for the night. Laptops, cellphones, and everything else to make arrangements for the wedding. They just needed a place to gather their friends and something to eat, the rest was not really important. After all, planning a wedding was just some kind of mission. It wouldn’t be too difficult as long as they had each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for sticking with us this long, especially as December has been difficult for both of us that put a pause in posting. 
> 
> The next story will be posted after Christmas-- the completely fluffy, adorable, sweet wedding of Steve and Pippa!


End file.
